If You’re Desperate To Win Back “The One That Got Away,” Remember This

Things didn’t work out with your ex or crush, and now you consider them to be “the one that got away” and you’re determined to get them back once and for all. But before you try to rekindle the romance, consider these 1o things.

  1. They walked away. If they actually made the decision to dump you or stopped replying to your texts, it’s clear they’re not the one who got away, they’re the one who chose to walk away. You really have no business trying to make things work with someone who can’t be bothered.
  2. There’s no such thing as bad timing. Maybe your relationship with this person couldn’t take off because you were being pulled into different directions in your life. It happens, but you have to ask yourself: is there really such a thing as bad timing? Maybe things just weren’t supposed to be with this person after all!
  3. You might be caught up in a fairy tale. If you’re hoping to get a second shot with this person, be sure that you don’t have an unrealistic idea that getting back with them will be perfect. There’s a reason why you ended things the first time around, and those reasons will haunt you when you go back until you deal with them.
  4. Sometimes a second chance is overrated. What if the reason why you and this person never had a good relationship is because of something serious, like a cheating incident or because they treated you badly in another way? They don’t deserve a second chance no matter how much they seem to have changed. People don’t change.
  5. Going back can keep you stuck in the past. A relationship sequel might seem great, but it might not be realistic. What if it keeps you stuck in the past by making you put your life on hold to make a relationship with them work? If you’ve been moving on to a more fabulous future, that’s really sad. You should never sacrifice your happiness for someone who might not even make you happy.
  6. You might be over them. Although you might think that you’ve still got feelings for your ex or crush, you might just be in the habit of wanting to be with them, or perhaps you’re lonely. The bottom line: there might be lots of other reasons why you’re tempted to go back to them. It’s therefore important to take stock of what you really feel so you don’t regret sending them a message and hooking up.
  7. You could have high hopes. You might see the person as the one who got away, but are you sure that they see you in the same way? If you’re not sure that they still have feelings for you, you could be putting yourself out there only to get your heart broken. You’ll just be giving yourself unnecessary drama.
  8. You might see them as second place. If you’ve tried to have successful relationships with other people but they just haven’t worked out, that doesn’t mean that the one who got away is the right person for you. If you can’t imagine going back to them if you found someone better, then that’s not good enough! Come on, they’re not supposed to be your second (or even your default) choice. You deserve better than that.
  9. You might be afraid to be on your own. It’s scary to be on your own, but that’s no reason to go back to your ex or see them in a fairy tale way. The fear of being single can trick you into making some pretty bad choices, so give yourself time to adjust and focus on being a better you. Just think: being with the wrong person is scarier than being alone.
  10. Your regrets have a reason. You might have ended your previous relationship because you messed up with your ex, but that shouldn’t make you put your ex on a pedestal. Yes, maybe they were a great person and you really screwed up a real chance at relationship happiness, but maybe your breakup was a blessing in disguise. Don’t go back out of guilt. That won’t make you happy. Use your regrets and mistakes to become a better person instead. It’ll be so much more satisfying.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.