The Differences Between Sex In Your 20s & Sex In Your 30s, According To People Who’ve Had Both

By the time you reach your 20s, your hormones are raging. You get horny at the drop of a hat and can’t help but want to get it on with anyone and everyone. While it’s easy to assume that these years mark your sexual prime, that’s not the case at all. In fact, for many people, intimacy gets better with age. In fact, a conversation over on Reddit asked users the biggest differences between sex in your 20s and sex in your 30s. The answers were pretty illuminating!

  1. It’s easier to ask for what you want in your 30s. This was the highlight of sex in your 30s, according to u/mynamecouldbesam. “I gained the confidence to ask for what I actually want, and say what feels good to me and what doesn’t. Too many people just go with what they usually do in the sack, instead of talking about what each individual actually enjoys,” they wrote. “Basically, I no longer settle for bad sex.”
  2. You want more out of the experience as you get older. As u/We1tfunk explained, one of the biggest differences between sex in your 20s and sex in your 30s is what you want out of it. “20s: It didn’t really take a lot to get me going, just 1. being in my bed, and 2. being mostly nude was enough,” they shared. “30s: I really need them to be into it, too. Like…if they act like they’re only doing this to make me happy, I pick up on it and I just can’t continue. I also need them to like, show some interest in me too, or it takes some monumental effort to be in the mood. I’m more particular, and more aware of what the other party is doing and how they’re reacting, etc.”
  3. It starts to feel a whole lot better. Fumbling around in your 20s helps you find out what you like. By your 30s, you know all this, and that’s pretty helpful. “Sex in your 30s about a million times better. Still very very horny but it’s also experienced, skills, more willing to try things,” u/probablyurprofessor said.
  4. You can’t spend all day in bed like you used to. This is another of the major differences between sex in your 20s and sex in your 30s. When you’re younger, you think nothing of spending all day screwing each other’s brains out. That’s just not feasible when you’re older, as u/frenix5 points out. “The amount of time you have available” just isn’t the same, they remark.
  5. You think about it more in your 30s. In your 20s, you’re pretty much raring to go 24/7. By the time you hit your 30s, there’s more consideration before getting it on. As u/Hopeful_Jello_7894 explains: “20: sex?? Yeah!! I’ll have sex! 30s: sex? Hmmm okay but it’s already 830pm and so if we start now and stop by 930 we should still get a full nights sleep but also we could wait until Friday or Saturday night that might be better because if we are up too late it won’t really matter much the next day but sure yeah let’s do it! Fuck it who cares wait what was that oh one of the kids is at the door…”
  6. Kids can complicate matters. A lot of people don’t have kids until they get a bit older, which makes a massive difference to the amount of time you can dedicate to intimacy, as Redditor u/tallcupofwater pointed out. The biggest difference between sex in your 20s and sex in your 30s to them is definitely “kids ruining it for you.”
  7. You have a bit more confidence in the sack. When you’re young and new to sex, it can be hard to know if what you’re doing is actually good. That’s not as much of a concern as you get more experience and start to know what you’re doing. u/King_of_the_potato_p offered a few tips, writing: “Listen up younger guys some of the basics, when she says “just like that” or “don’t stop” it does not mean go faster/harder or anything other then do EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE DOING DO NOT CHANGE IT. Now whats hard about that is when they say things like that it’s exciting, just stay focused,” he shared. “Also learning to find her nerve clusters will take a bit of exploring (which is where hookup culture fails both parties) then you have to figure out does she like grinding those spots, stroking or both and what pressure and speed and motion/pattern.”
  8. You’re less grossed out by the human body. When you’re younger, you tend to assume that sex should be clean and hairless like it is in porn. However, by the time you hit your 30s, you “get over childish aversions,” according to u/CaffeinatedHBIC. “Dicks are hairy. Vaginas are hairy. You’re going to get hair in your mouth. Pull it out and move on,” they stated. “You might have pimples and stretch marks, your partner might have pimples and stretch marks, ignore it and don’t comment on it. If it puts you off, turn off lights, take off glasses, and ignore it. Sex is a wet and sticky activity. There’s going to be sounds. Honestly, if there aren’t any sounds, you probably need to be using more lube lol queefs happen, beds squeak and balls slap, and there’s nothing to do about it but drown it out with sounds of enjoyment.”
  9. Sometimes there’s no difference at all. As a few humorous Redditors joked, there aren’t many differences between sex in your 20s and sex in your 30s in their experience. That’s because “I don’t get laid either way,” u/Ok-Taro-3121 quipped. Hey, a lot of people are probably in that boat!
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.