How To Get Horny When You’re Really Not In The Mood

No matter how attracted you are to your partner, you’re not going to be in the mood for sex 100% of the time. That’s fine — there’s (hopefully) more to your relationship than what happens in the bedroom. There are many reasons your libido might be on the low side. However, if you want to connect with your partner sexually but are struggling to get there, we can help. Below are some ways to get horny and ready to go at it.

Don’t force yourself to have sex when you really don’t want to

Before we go any further here, this has to be said. You should never, ever feel forced into having sex with someone when you don’t want to. You don’t need to explain yourself or have a good reason for not wanting it. It’s your body, and if you don’t want to do something with it, you don’t have to. Don’t put up with a partner who tries to convince you otherwise, begs you to change your mind, guilt-trips you, or acts like an immature brat and starts pouting when you refuse to sleep with them. Guess what — that certainly isn’t sexy.

This article is about how to get in the mood when you actually want to connect with your partner in that way but your head’s a bit all over the place. You’ve been distracted or maybe you’ve felt a bit disconnected from them lately but you want to change that. In that case, we’re here to help you get horny ASAP.

Now that that’s taken care of, let’s do this.

How to get horny when sex is the last thing on your mind

1. Set the mood. One of the easiest ways to get in the mood is to make your environment sexy. That sounds silly, but you know what we’re talking about. This could mean lighting candles, playing music, or even just getting into bed and snuggling. Whatever makes you feel comfortable and relaxed is a good way to start. Sitting in a bright ass room with a basketball game blaring on the TV ain’t gonna cut it.
2. Be open to trying something new. Sometimes the same old routine can get boring when it comes to sex. Trying something new in the bedroom can be a great way to get your juices flowing. Whether it’s a new position or a new sex toy, exploring new things can help you get excited about sex again. You might just find your new favorite kink that you want to try over and over.
3. Get a massage. This is a weird way to get horny (and please don’t assault your masseuse!) but it can work. A relaxing massage can relieve all that pent-up stress and tension in your muscles and get you in the mood (or at least the frame of mind) for sex. You could ask your partner for a massage or book a professional one.
4. Take a long, hot bath. This works along the same lines as the massage. A warm bath or shower can be very relaxing and melt tension away. You could even add some bath salts or essential oils to create a more sensual experience. Bonus points for your tub being big enough to invite your partner to join you. Just be careful. Things can get pretty slidey in there!
5. Read some erotica. Reading erotic stories or novels can be a great way to get your mind in the right place for sex. You could even read them with your partner for a shared experience, but that might be a bit weird. Before they come over, hit up some sites like Literotica (the old classic!), Lickerish Library, or Dipsea for some hot stories to get you going.
6. Watch a movie with some hot sex scenes in it. Obviously, you could just watch some porn, and that’s cool. However, if the male gaze is not your bag, a movie that has some really hot sex scenes in it can go a long way in helping you get horny. Watching other people go at it like rabbits can do wonders for the libido, trust us.
7. Masturbate. Sometimes the best way to get in the mood is to take matters into your own hands (and yes, pun is totally intended). Masturbating can help you relax and get in touch with your body again, which can make it easier to get in the mood for sex with your partner. It even makes great foreplay.
8. Try aphrodisiac foods. I mean, hey, anything’s worth a try! There are some foods that can apparently help you get in the mood, including oysters, chocolate, and avocado. Trying out some of these foods could help out. Or, it could just be a delicious snack. Maybe try licking the chocolate off your partner’s body and hit two birds with one stone, so to speak.
9. Get your blood pumping. Exercise is a great way to get your heart rate up and increase your libido. Even just a quick 10-minute workout can make a big difference. Plus, it’s good for your overall health! Go for a run together then help each other wash all that sweat off in the shower. Sounds hot, right?
10. Have a conversaton with your partner. If you’re not in the mood, it’s important to communicate with your partner. Let them know how you’re feeling and what might help you get in the mood. They might have some ideas that you haven’t thought of. If you’re both on the same page, they’ll be more than happy to lend a hand.
11. Take your time — there’s no rush. Rushing into sex when you’re not in the mood can make it feel like a chore. Take your time with foreplay and enjoy the moment. Don’t let your partner skip out on all the stuff before the actual sex that can get you wet and ready to go. Explore each other’s bodies a bit and play around. You never know what might happen.
12. Use your imagination. Sometimes all it takes is a little imagination to get horny. Think about a sexy fantasy or recall a particularly steamy moment you had with your partner in the past. This can help you get excited and ready for sex.
13. Focus on pleasure. Instead of worrying about getting in the mood, focus on the pleasure you’ll experience during sex. Think about how good it will feel and how much you enjoy being intimate with your partner. You can even think back to times you’ve had really hot sex in the past. The memory of that can be really powerful.
14. Take a break. Sometimes we just need a break from our busy lives to relax and unwind. Take some time for yourself to do something you enjoy, such as reading, meditating, or simply chilling out on the couch for a bit. Remember, getting horny is all about finding what works for you. Be patient with yourself and your partner, and don’t put too much pressure on the situation. That’s definitely not going to help.