I’ve learned the hard way that waiting around for a person to decide you’re worthy of them is a waste of time and energy, which is why I need to know what’s up with you sooner rather than later. Do you like me — yes or no? It’s a simple enough question, so what’s the answer?
I have self-respect. Some people take advantage of women whose low self-esteem makes them feel indebted to anyone who gives them even the most minimal level of commitment. I am not one of those women. I would not ask a person I respected to wait around for me to make up my mind about whether or not they were up to my standards, so why should I accept someone asking the same of me?
I don’t play games. I like being pursued just as much as the next person, but I won’t play games forever. Once I’ve made my feelings known, I expect us to be grown-ups who discuss our needs and expectations openly with each other. I won’t tolerate being intermittently ghosted or treated as a second thought. I won’t settle for poor communication at any stage in a relationship. That’s why I’m asking directly: do you like me — yes or no?
I want to be a priority, not an option. If a person expects me to wait on the sidelines while they consider my value, how can I expect them to treat me any differently if we were in a relationship? How can I expect them to prioritize me when our relationship was the result of inattention and minimization? I do not want to have a partner who treats me as a peripheral object in their life.
I’m realistic. Someone who can’t make up their mind about whether or not they want to be with me will not be able to make up their mind about other fundamental choices in the future. I don’t want to find myself in an identical situation months or years down the line when our partnership is entrenched. I want to have a partner who can make tough decisions thoughtfully and logically, not one who freezes under pressure.
I want to start a relationship with excitement, not doubt. No matter how excited a person ultimately is about being with me, the fact will always remain that it was a difficult and drawn-out decision. They may feel thrilled when they finally make up their mind, but I will still be drowning in the self-doubt and emotional fragility caused by their initial indecision. I refuse to start a relationship with trepidation and uncertainty. I’ll keep searching until I find someone who recognizes my value from the beginning.
I won’t limit my options. If a person expects me to wait for them, they are asking me to put my life on hold for their indecisiveness. I will not stop looking for fulfilling relationships in favor of the possibility of an uncertain relationship with someone who I already know is on the fence about me. Hitting “pause” on my dating life would put me in a position of dependence on someone who has demonstrated that they cannot be trusted with my heart.
Timing is never perfect. There is never a “right” moment to choose someone. There will always be inconvenient factors at play, and everyone brings personal history and frailties to the table. But trust is built through the mutual decision to work through these difficult circumstances together, with the knowledge that the payoff will be worth it.
You’ll have to work a little harder to win me over. Just because I’m not willing to wait doesn’t me I won’t consider giving a person another chance if they make up their mind. I just won’t hold my breath waiting for it to happen. I will continue meeting other people and exploring healthier relationships. If you decide you want me, you have to prove to me that you’re serious and ready to make a real commitment.
Maybe you sense something I don’t. If someone isn’t sure about being in a relationship with me, maybe they’re just one step ahead. Maybe we aren’t right for each other. I won’t start a relationship with someone who isn’t one hundred percent committed to giving it a shot because I trust doubt, whether it’s mine or someone else’s.
It’s one-sided. If that person ultimately chose me, I would spend our entire relationship wondering if they regretted their decision. I never want to be in any doubt about my partner’s commitment to me. If I have to wait around for them to recognize that I’m special, my self-worth would be severely compromised. I would always feel like I had to be perfect in order to keep them around. I don’t want to feel grateful for the validation of someone whose love should be unconditional.
If you don’t know, that’s a “no” for me. If the person I like just can’t seem to decide how they feel about me and if they like me or not, that’s as good as a “no” for me. I don’t want someone to have to wrack their brain to figure out if I’m someone they want to get to know and possibly be with. If it’s such an agonizing decision, they’re clearly not feeling it so I’d rather not waste my time.
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