Do You Really Miss Your Ex, Or Just The Idea Of Him? How To Tell The Difference

Breakups suck. Even when they’re totally mutual and you know they’re for the best, they can spike terrible feelings of uncertainty, fear, and regret. Yuck. Sometimes we truly miss people after a breakup because, after all, it’s a loss, and we were used to our life with him. But is it really your ex your missing, or just the idea of him? Here are some signs it might just be the latter.

Your idea of him is who he was, not who he is now.

You miss the guy that you thought you knew at the beginning of your “perfect” relationship, not the douche who cheated on you.

You’re clinging to his potential.

Maybe he promised that he would change, or that you truly see the person he is inside without all the bull around him. He might be great someday, but you certainly don’t have to wait around through the not great stuff at the expense of your own happiness.

You’re totally blind to his downsides.

Everyone has good and bad qualities, but if you only see his good ones, you might be a little off track.

You’re afraid you can’t do better.

When we panic about getting out there again, we might think it’s easier to stick with a mediocre thing, but that’s not honoring you – or him in the long run.

You miss cute text messages.

It’s super nice to have someone check in while you’re working, but do you miss your boyfriend or the companionship alone?

You feel super clingy.

When we end a relationship, it can be confusing and painful. Maybe you’ll get back together again one day if the timing is right and if you’re a good match, but it’s unlikely. Relationships end for a reason. Sometimes when we feel over the top clingy or scared, it’s because you know it’s truly over but don’t want to admit it to yourself.

You know he’s not “The One”.

You were certain that there’s no future with this dude, but for some reason you’re trying to pretend like that doesn’t matter anymore.

You liked what you did together more than who he was.

Are you sure you’re just not missing the Mexican restaurant you guys used to go to? Maybe you’re more bummed out about not having a date than about the man who got away.

You’re carefully ignoring all the stuff you used to hate about him.

One week you’re in the pits of a crappy relationship cursing the guy you’re with, and the next week post-breakup you’ve conveniently forgotten why you broke up in the first place.

You miss sex.

Hard as is it to imagine, there is probably someone out there who is going to be even better in bed than he was.

You didn’t miss him until he started dating someone else.

You had plenty of time to get that boy back but you weren’t interested until you couldn’t have him. It’s not real, and it’s not worth it.

You can’t be alone.

Those of us who prefer to be with people at all times tend to relationship hop like mad in an effort to stay occupied, and all the easier if it’s with someone you’re already comfortable with. Bad idea!

You can’t think of what you actually miss about him.

Ring the alarm if you desperately miss the feeling of having someone but you can’t seem to drum up anything specific that makes this dude any different than anyone else. That should tell you all you need to know.

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