Does He Want To Date You Or Is He Just Trying To Get Laid?

When you’re dating someone new, it can be hard to distinguish whether or not a guy is actually into you or just wants to sleep with you. For women, getting the cues wrong can lead to a lot of emotional stress — especially if you realized the “connection” you had was more of a ruse to get you in bed. Before you fall in love, here are some big red flags to be on the lookout for,

  1. He seems to dismiss any boundaries. And not just sexual boundaries — if you tell him you don’t like to drive in the city but he states you need to “get over it” to meet up at a restaurant he likes, that’s a complete betrayal. Getting out of your comfort zone is important sometimes, but you should never feel forced to do something you feel uncomfortable with. If he keeps pushing things, or you start fearing what his reaction will be if you say no, it’s a huge sign that you need to call it quits. Your feelings matter.
  2. He’s not afraid to point out other attractive women. Some guys are just completely immature and don’t realize what they’re doing, but others can play mind games. By pointing out other women who are attractive, he’s trying to make you jealous and perhaps a little self-conscious. He’s also showing you that physical attraction is a big deal to him. This isn’t the kind of guy who’s ready to settle down and have kids — he’s ready to meet women and sleep around. Maybe he’ll be ready to settle down for a real relationship someday, but not right now.
  3. He compliments you only on physical attributes. A guy who’s looking to get laid isn’t going to tell you that he likes your sense of humor, or your willingness to drop everything to help a friend or family member out. The traits they’ll focus on are all physical — how your butt and chest look, the color of your eyes, and your smile are big ones. He might quietly like your ability to tell a joke, but he won’t say that, since he knows that’s a good trait for the person he’ll eventually marry.
  4. He only calls you at odd times. And, the requests seem to be somewhat last minute. Expect him to call you at 8:30 to ask you out that night. That likely means that you weren’t the first plan. Instead, something else fell through and he figured you might be down to have some fun tonight. Someone who’s looking to date you will ask about your schedule ahead of time and might have some follow-up texts to confirm.
  5. His communication with you got flirty very quickly. You have to remember that a lot of guys have the same nerves over asking someone out that girls do. And usually, nerves mean that feelings are building. But if this guy suddenly hits you up with sexual or flirty messages, he’s showcasing that he’s not looking to get to know you outside of the bedroom. Those messages show he’s shooting his shot, and likely won’t get too bummed out if you don’t reciprocate because eventually, he knows someone will take the bait.
  6. You get shut down if you ever mention anything more “serious”. It’s not him being nervous or “not ready.” It’s the sad truth,  but no guy will ever tell you that he’s “not ready to date you” if he’s actually interested in you. That’s just a soft cushion used to either spare your feelings or keep you on the line for a hookup later down the road. Sure, sometimes the timing may be wrong. But if he’s shuddering at the thought of taking you somewhere in public, he has no interest in being your boyfriend.
  7. You’ve never spent the night at his place. If you’re already having sex, you might find it strange that he rushes you out right after. That usually means that you’re either the “other woman,” or he’s gotten everything he wants out of you for the day. Remember, you’re a person with feelings. That means you deserve to at least get breakfast before being shooed out of the house. If you’ve ever felt awkward leaving, take that as a sign this relationship is purely sexual.
  8. He’s mentioned only wanting a casual relationship before. This is a huge red flag that many people don’t see, since, in their minds, they can “try to change him.” It’s important to know that when someone states their intentions, they mean them. If you’ve been trying to turn a fling into a relationship, you’re either going to get hurt now or in the near future. Believe what they say, and then ask yourself if you can be happy with that arrangement. If not, it’s time to call it quits.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.