After dating one too many emotionally unavailable men, I’m walking away from that demographic once and for all. When it starts to feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, I’m well and truly entitled to walk away and find someone who values my love instead.
I’m a very emotional person. You could call me a feelings junkie. I love experiencing the richness of emotions, both highs and lows, and nowhere is that truer than in relationships. I want to dive into all the tears and laughter that vulnerability with another human being brings. If my partner can’t do that, I’m liable to suffer.
Open communication is so important to me. The strong, silent type is definitely not for me. If my guy can’t talk about his feelings, that’s going to be a problem. Every relationship is built on understanding, and while it can be fun to joke around and keep it light, there comes a time when real communication is called for.
I’m done thinking I can change men. If you’re anything like me, you’ve fallen into this trap. I’ve spent way too many hours trying to coax a hint of vulnerability out of one stoic, macho man after another in the hopes of changing him. Newsflash: it rarely works. While I do still believe that we all crave love and intimacy, I’ve given up the responsibility of teaching men how to be vulnerable.
I have better things to do with my time. Hanging around waiting for some dude to open up emotionally is not necessarily my idea of a good time. While I’m happy to be there for my partner in a time of need, it has to go both ways. If you’re not working with me in the long run, I’m out.
I can’t shoulder all the responsibility of the relationship. It takes two to tango, right? If I’m the only one making an effort to keep the flow of communication open, things are going nowhere fast. I get that it can take time to open up at first, and a lot of men have fallen prey to toxic masculinity’s lie that men shouldn’t have feelings. Still, I can’t do it alone.
It’s a recipe for disaster. If I’m trying to move towards emotional intimacy at the same time that my lover is moving away from it, we’re going to have problems. Working towards completely opposite goals is just not sustainable and I’m done sticking around to find out how long we can wrestle with each other. Next time I’m jumping ship before I can get too entangled in this whole disaster.
It just ends up driving me crazy. This is the worst thing about dating emotionally unavailable men. It’s completely crazy-making trying to connect with someone who dodges my advances at every turn. There are just too many mixed signals to decipher and I end up overthinking every little interaction, trying to find clues about his real feelings. To hell with that. There are plenty of other men I can give my affections to without driving myself up the wall.
Nobody wins. This game of cat and mouse is fruitless. Nobody wins and we both end up frustrated with what is supposed to be a pleasurable interaction. I’ve stuck around for way too long with way too many men and trust me, it only ends with frustration for everyone involved.
If he doesn’t want my love, that’s his loss. Something I’ve learned from all these interactions is that there’s no point forcing love on someone who doesn’t want it. I know my love, care and affection are gifts and if he doesn’t want them, I’m not doing either of us any favors by pushing them on him. There are lots of guys who are emotionally open to the world and I’d be way better off sharing connection with someone who can appreciate it. No point throwing pearls before swine, so to speak!
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