I Don’t Dream Of Getting Married And Having Kids—My Relationship Goals Are So Much Simpler

I don’t think of my romantic life in terms of goals and milestones such as a big wedding, a family, and a house with a white picket fence. I’ve never been a very traditional woman. Instead, I long for certain simple qualities in a relationship that I know I won’t be happy without.

I want real, belly-aching laughter. I can’t be with anyone who doesn’t bring a smile to my face. If we aren’t laughing together, what’s the point? It’s the only way to get through the tough times, the heartaches, and the struggles. It’s hot when a guy keeps me giggling.

I want to trust him unequivocally. It’s the foundation of any decent relationship and absolutely essential to long-term success. If we don’t have trust, we really don’t have much of anything. I care more about building trust with a partner than worrying about something like building a house.

I want unfiltered honesty. If we can’t tell each other the truth without fear of rejection or repercussion, then we shouldn’t be together. Yes, sometimes honesty is tough, but it’s the best way to keep love on the right track.

I want real communication. If the two of us have greatly differing communication styles, we are going to have trouble navigating the ins and outs of dating. It doesn’t mean one of us is right and one is wrong, it just means that we aren’t on the same wavelength.

I want to maintain my independence. Two people can have very different ideas of personal space. If one of us needs more alone time than the other, it could lead to misunderstanding and hurt feelings. I need someone who understands me well enough to know that independence does not mean lack of love.

I want flexibility and freedom to change. Again, it’s hard to have a strong relationship without compromise from both sides. Not only do we need to be flexible within the context of our partnership, it’s much easier if both people have a fluid idea of what relationships look like. They shouldn’t have to fit a mold.

I want simplicity. I like to keep my life simple in general. I don’t feel the need to complicate things any more than I have to, and I often scale back in the interest of my own peace of mind. I want a simple, happy, steadfast love—I’ve never been one who needs drama to feel satisfied.

I want adventure. I’m not good at sitting still and I want to share my love of exploration with the person I love. I crave spontaneity and novelty and I’m always down to try anything. Finding a partner who feels the same way is of the utmost importance to me.

I want fun. It’s so important to have fun together! If we aren’t doing that, why even bother? I always know a relationship’s going poorly when I secretly wish I was spending time with my friends instead. I want someone I can share a lifetime of silliness with, knowing we accept each other.

I want specificity. By this, I mean that I want a unique and special bond with a unique and special person. I don’t want to recycle old dates or ideas or feelings. I want to build something entirely new, something that is ours and ours alone.

I want connection. There’s just something about that rare click, that spark that happens organically and defies definition. Many of us spend years searching for it and then one day it comes out of nowhere. I want the person I can build on this with for a lifetime.

I want romance. I’m a pretty chill girl, but I’m also a bit of a hopeless romantic. I’ll always appreciate the little things, and I want to treat a man well in return. Gestures don’t need to be grand or expensive, just genuine and loving. I’d rather have all the romance than settle down into normalcy.

I want passion. I’m a passionate human being—that’s just how I’m built. I need someone who is as alive and in touch with himself as I am. I’m at home in my body and I love the person I’ve become. If I can find someone I can share that with comfortably, I’ll be exquisitely happy.

I want tenderness. On the other hand, it can’t be all about the fire. There has to be softness to balance it. I want something unabashedly sweet, something as open and vulnerable as it is fierce and delightful. I want no holds barred. I want all the things.

I want depth. I’ve had relationships in the past that hit a certain threshold and just never evolved past it. I won’t settle for that any longer. If we aren’t always evolving and growing and deepening together, I’ll never be completely satisfied.

I want intimacy. I’ve also had issues in the past with dating men who couldn’t get emotionally intimate with me. Now emotional intimacy is a requirement. Yeah, it’s tough for me too, but it’s worth it. If I love someone, I’m all in, no matter what. Let’s get raw.

I want ease. People are always saying that when it’s right it won’t be so difficult. I don’t know exactly what they mean from experience because I haven’t found what’s right yet, but I think I have an idea, and I hope that I get that with someone eventually.

I want joy. I love being single, so I won’t be with anyone if it’s less than joyful. I’ve been in too many unhappy situations and stayed in them far too long. I’m smarter now and waiting for the person who brings me something indescribable. That means more to me than any traditional path.

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