I Don’t Have A Boyfriend In My Life But Guess What—My Life Is Still Awesome

I’ve always been a pretty strong and independent personality. When I was younger, I sometimes lost myself in relationships but I never totally gave up my own values and beliefs. Here’s why I’ll always be my own person no matter what:

  1. I don’t need a guy or anyone else to be whole. The easiest way to keep myself from being defined by men is to know beyond a doubt that I don’t need one. I’d like to find a wonderful, loving partner, but it’s not a necessity to my life. I’ve never needed a man to survive or feel that I have value in the world. I know that I’m an amazing, badass, intelligent and wonderful human regardless.
  2. I’ve never been someone to conform. I’m always the person who wants to do the opposite of what everyone else does. I can’t stand trends or following the herd. It’s just not my style. I never let guys decide who I am or what I want. I’m far too stubborn and feminist to do that! I’ll never tolerate a man who tries to change me or who puts me down for being myself.
  3. My interests are my own. That sounds a bit obvious, but what I’m saying is that I already like what I like. I’m open to developing new interests but I’ll never change my opinions and decisions based on what the guy I’m dating wants. It’s very healthy to be into different things. I’d like to share certain interests but I won’t drop my hobbies to please a man.
  4. I’m an independent, autonomous person. I’m quite grateful for my strong sense of self. It’s taken a lot of years and hard work to develop and I won’t be abandoning what I’ve achieved. I’d like to be in an equal and supportive partnership where we encourage each other to grow as separate people. I won’t settle for anything less because I know I deserve it.
  5. I’m not afraid to disagree with a man. I was taught growing up to stand by my own opinions and beliefs, and I’ve kept that resolve into adulthood. I’ll never bow to a guy’s difference of opinion as superior or more informed just because he’s male. I know better. I’m an intelligent person who is perfectly capable of standing up for myself. I can have a friendly and mature difference of opinion.
  6. I’ll never let a guy boss me around. I’m a pretty feisty woman. I can’t stand it when a guy tries to mansplain anything to me or talks down to me in any way. It’s a pretty quick way to earn my intense dislike. I only hang out with men who respect me and my intelligence. I am not a possession or a lesser being, and I won’t tolerate being treated like I am.
  7. I’m strong and I won’t give that up. I’m so proud of the way I’ve built myself up from the insecure and shy girl I once was. I always had strength underneath it all but I was often afraid to show it. I didn’t want to seem divisive, aggressive or unappealing. I’m a lot happier now that I live my truth and disregard what any haters think of me. I understand myself now and I’ll never give that power up to a man.
  8. I’ve gotten too dependent before and won’t again. In my youth, I made mistakes. I needed to learn and grow and I certainly did! I sometimes became too engulfed in my relationship and my boyfriend, forgetting my own needs and wants in the process. It was no one’s fault but my own, and I ended up frustrated and dissatisfied. Now I stand strong and independent. If a guy can’t handle that, he’s not right for me.
  9. I can’t stand inseparable couples. It’s so unhealthy. I want my own life, my own interests, and my own friends. Yeah, I want to spend time with my partner and I’d like him to get along seamlessly with my circle. At the same time, I definitely need my space. We’ll have nothing to talk about if we are always together! I am a person, not half of a pair.
  10. Love doesn’t mean losing my identity. I think that if I were to lose my individuality, I’m not experiencing real and healthy love. It’s very easy to mistake jealousy, possessiveness, co-dependency and other unhealthy relationship models for love. It’s much tougher to develop and maintain a great partnership with someone. If a guy ever tries to suppress who I am, I’ll walk away.
  11. I’m dedicated to growth and improvement in or out of a relationship. I am going to develop myself regardless of my status—single, taken, complicated or whatever. I only have this one life and I owe it to myself to make it the best it can be. I don’t have time for men who try to keep me down or hold me back. I would never become someone who isn’t interesting apart from the partnership I happen to be in. I’m way too strong and independent.
  12. I love who I am too much to let that go. I’ve gone through a lot to get to a place where I really like who I am and appreciate myself. It’s been quite a journey. To do all that work and then let it go for a man would be, quite frankly, insane. I’d be insulting myself and devaluing what I’ve accomplished. I can’t in good conscience ever let a guy walk in and decide how I should be and what I should do. No thanks.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.