My Relationship Always Takes Over My Life & I Don’t Know How To Stop

After another bad breakup, I always promise myself that I’ll never lose myself in a relationship again. Unfortunately, I always end up doing the same exact thing. It’s like a vicious circle that I just can’t break and it’s slowly destroying me.

  1. It’s like a tornado that uproots my whole life. It’s like a new relationship comes along and sucks me into it, sweeping me away from the rest of my lifeā€”or at least I allow it to do that. It’s not a whirlwind romance so much as a destructive tornado and it’s frightening.
  2. I can’t focus on anything else. I’m so thrown by the new relationship that’s come into my life that I can’t help but want to give it 100% of my attention. I can’t really focus on anything else; I’m totally unable to find any semblance of balance.
  3. The more exciting, the better. When a whirlwind relationship storms into my life instead of just walking into it, it’s even better. I feel such a rush! Unfortunately, with that excitement comes a huge problem: everything else in my life looks boring by comparison. Even myself! I sometimes feel like I was just mediocre before he came along, which is dangerous territory indeed.
  4. I shove everything onto the back burner. Whether it’s my social calendar or my life goals, they start collecting dust on the back burner of my life because my relationship is my biggest priority. I know it’s not healthy and is an immature habit to have but I can’t seem to help it.
  5. All my passion goes to my relationship. It’s not just my concentration and enthusiasm that goes into a relationship but also my passion. It’s like I don’t have much energy or interest in anything else. Sure, that’s somewhat normal for a while, especially in the beginning of a relationship, but it can cause huge problems later on. Imagine all the effort, thought, and spare time that goes into a new relationship. Although it’s good to be so committed to it, I shouldn’t give it so much of my resources. I need them for other things in my life, after all.
  6. I can’t eat or sleep. It sounds crazy, but sometimes when a new relationship explodes into my life, I can’t eat or sleep. I battle to do normal things because I’m so electrified. Admittedly, that can feel nice, but I don’t like feeling like nothing else in my life is giving me the same high.
  7. Once the relationship settles, I settle too. One would assume that once the dust settles and the excitement is over (along with the honeymoon phase), I can go back to normal. Wrong! I’m so addicted to the relationship that I still make it my number one priority. In fact, I even put more energy into trying to regain some of that initial magic.
  8. I’m at its beck and call. If my boyfriend needs me, I’m there… even if that means not being able to see the friend I had dinner plans with. If he needs me and I promised to give myself some “me time,” I drop everything for him. My needs are always pushed aside and it’s blatantly obvious.
  9. I’ve caused problems in my social life. This sort of behavior can really mess with my social life and loved ones. They end up getting totally neglected by me, so it’s no surprise that some of them have walked away from me in the past. Ugh.
  10. I lose my life. It’s like the relationship becomes my life and I wish I wouldn’t give it so much control. What about all the things that are important to me? All my friends, my family, my goals, my dreams? I can’t just push them aside because I have a plus-one. I know it’s crazy, so why do I let it happen?
  11. I don’t feel like I’m enough. I think one of the problems is that I don’t think I’m worthy of love or happiness on my own. I need to be defined by love. When a guy enters my life, I feel like now I can step up and live my happiest life. I should feel complete without him and with everything else that I have going for me. I need to take responsibility for my own happiness instead of expecting it to rest in the hands of my partner. That’s not fair on either of us.
  12. When he walks away, he takes everything. One of the biggest problems I’ve experienced with making a relationship my entire life is that when the guy decides to end things and walk away from me, he takes everything with him. I end up being completely lost and forced to pick up the pieces of who I am, all over again.
  13. I love the drama but it always hurts me in the end. Another problem is that I love the excitement and drama at the start of a relationship. It fuels me and it really is addictive, yes, that craziness always hurts me in the end. When the guy stops being such a love-bomber, usually I’m left with a mediocre guy and average relationship that doesn’t satisfy me. How do I get myself back?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.