The Most Common Ways You Might Be Self-Sabotaging In Relationships

Self-sabotage is basically destroying what you have despite it maybe being something good. You can do it on your own or you can do it within a relationship, and if you’re doing these things, you’re definitely guilty of this behavior.

  1. You don’t sleep properly. This may seem like it’s not relevant but sleep is super important. If you aren’t getting enough shut-eye, you’re sure to be an irritable grump. Because of this, you may take your attitude out on your partner or you see through the negative tired lens and think they’re doing something wrong. There’s no way that lacking sleep works out well for you in the end.
  2. You don’t practice self-care. Maybe you don’t think you’re important enough or you’re just not aware of the lack of self-care in your life. Regardless, you aren’t setting time aside to take care of yourself. You aren’t doing nice things for yourself and you’re not treating yourself with care. Naturally, this rubs off on your relationship because you’re not in the best shape emotionally. It’s hard for you to show up authentically.
  3. You’re a perfectionist. You have incredibly high expectations of yourself and your partner because of your perfectionism. You have an idea of how things should be and when things fall short (which they do regularly), you get disappointed. Your expectations are through the roof and since your partner is just another human, they’re rarely able to meet them.
  4. You let paranoia take over. You think about all the possible things that could go wrong and then you start to wonder which of them are happening right at this very moment. You’re paranoid that your partner’s cheating on you and in the process of dealing with this craziness, you actually push your partner away. You let those irrational voices get inside your head and they ruin everything.
  5. You take a lot of things personally. Especially when texting, you feel like your partner is saying something to hurt or madden you. You assume that a lot of things are personal, like the mood your partner is in. You even go as far as assuming that your partner spending time with their friends means they don’t want to spend time with you. Jumping to these conclusions is just making you both unhappy.
  6. You always feel like the victim. Playing the victim gets really old for most people. If you’re doing this, you’re likely driving your partner crazy. No matter what happens, you’re always the victim in a fight or conversation. You think your partner is targeting you or being unfair. This perpetual victimhood act will not bring you far. Instead, it’ll blow everything up in your relationship.
  7. You’re incredibly busy. This may seem tangential but it’s not. You work late nights at the office or are always picking up extra shifts. You’re essentially in a relationship with your job. Busyness may seem like a virtue but in this case, it’s damaging your relationship with your partner. You’re neglecting them and not spending enough time with them and they might feel like you don’t care.
  8. You’re still involved with an ex. There are some cases where people can be friends with their exes and it’s healthy, but for most people, it’s just a bad idea. You’re self-sabotaging your relationship if you continue to be in contact with a flame of the past. It takes attention away from your current partnership and opens old wounds that’d be better left alone.
  9. You feed resentment. When you get upset about something, you feed into it instead of dealing with it constructively. You love to have these feelings. Where you could just bring up to your partner why you’re upset, you seethe in resentment instead. You may not have very good coping mechanisms around anger so it’s your natural reaction to just sit in it and to take it out on others.
  10. You compare your relationship to other people’s. What you have is never enough. You’re constantly comparing your relationship with your partner to other couples around you. In reality, you don’t know what that other couples life really looks like but you imagine it to be better nonetheless. In doing so, you make your partner feel like total crap. You also are basically saying that your relationship isn’t good.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at