I Don’t Respond To Guys Who Slide Into My DMs & Neither Should You

Social media has replaced some of our most personal human interactions. You’re likely to get a reply from someone on Instagram than you would via text and it seems like everyone just accepts it. Not me—whenever a guy tries sliding into my DMs, all he’ll get in response is silence. He’s going to have to do a bit better than that.

  1. I’m over social media communication. I understand it may be the new norm, but that doesn’t mean I want it to be my norm. It’s so easy for communication to get misconstrued through messaging and the whole process is very impersonal. I’m a face-to-face kind of girl and feel as though the best encounters happen when you’re actually in each other’s presence.
  2. Guys have sent the exact same messages to me and my friend. We often forget how small the world is we live in. Back when I was more willing to engage in social media convo, I later found out the guy I had been chatting with was sending the exact same messages to one of my really good friends. True, he wasn’t my boyfriend or anything, but I think private messaging makes people a little too accessible; you can literally take your pick. Messaging allows you to communicate with so many people instantaneously and I decided I didn’t want to be part of it anymore.
  3. I don’t feel like actually talking to people is old-fashioned. The way guys approach women these days is an instant turn-off for me. There have been instances where I’ve seen someone I recognized from social media while out, only to later receive a DM from that person saying, “Hey, I just saw you!” Sending DMs instead of just talking to the person when you see them comes off as extremely weird and I definitely wouldn’t be interested in someone who does it. I appreciate a guy that takes initiative to talk to me when he sees me not just when he’s behind his computer screen.
  4. There’s minimal effort involved. Are they really even trying to get my attention? Sending a DM is the quickest and easiest way to get in contact with someone and I don’t like feeling that attainable. I’m all up for a little game of cat and mouse and it seems as though instant accessibility has taken the legwork out of it. If a guy doesn’t have to earn me, why would he ever value me?
  5. Unsolicited nudes are not my bag. This is a whole topic in itself. I’m not sure what goes through a guy’s head before he decides to send the most awful angled picture of his manhood, but I’m not okay with it. Dick pics often come before you even know the guy’s name and they’re a quick way to get blocked, in my book. You never really know what could be lurking behind that next message.
  6. Some guys can get really mean if you don’t give the response they want. This includes but definitely isn’t limited to name-calling and insults. No matter how nice you are declining an advance, some guys take it really personally and fire back with the most outrageous things. I’m sorry I don’t want to sit on your couch and watch Captain America with you, but that doesn’t make me a “stupid bitch.”
  7. There are better approaches. No, a guy doesn’t have to stalk my life to try and get in contact with me, but I do feel there’s a more forward approach to getting someone’s attention than sending a direct message. A lot of the time you’re in close proximity to the people you’re friends with on social media; you’re in the same friend group or you’ve seen them out and about once or twice. Going the extra mile shows just how interested someone is in me and nothing in life comes easy, right?
  8. I’ve never had anything good come from responding. Every once in a while you’ll hear those stories where it all started with a like on Instagram, then a DM, and just like that they’re married with two kids and a dog. Unfortunately for me, things have always been the opposite. I’ve had flings with guys I met in my DMs but nothing long-term or serious. I can say I gave it my best effort in the past, but my track record shows the chances of meeting someone of substance through messenger is pretty slim.
  9. I’m rarely on social media to begin with. Okay, so maybe rarely is a strong word, but I’m very conscious of how much time I spend scrolling my timeline throughout the day and I try and keep it minimal. This makes social media the least reliable way to get in contact with me and I kind of love it. I typically won’t see I have new messages until days later, so trying to start a connection there isn’t a great idea.
  10. I don’t see things ever changing. When I make up my mind about something, I tend to stick with it. I’ve been consistent with not responding to any DMs for quite a while now and I think it’s been working in my favor. Filtering through the random messages, pics, and surprises that might end up in your inbox is a job in itself and I’d rather not deal with it. Setting and sticking to this boundary ensures I’ll meet whoever is right for me on my own terms.
Ty Martin is a freelance writer specializing in women's health and relationships. She has written alongside many doctoral students during her undergraduate career, assisting in editing and research. Although she grew up in a small town just outside of Chicago, she's obsessed with everything New York and plans on living there one day soon.