Don’t String Me Along — Either You Want To Be With Me Or You Don’t

Nothing is worse than being led down a path of “maybe” with a guy when you’re hoping for an enthusiastic “hell yes!” I always seem to wind up in this kind of relationship limbo where the guy will give me a hot/cold vibe and I’m so done with it. He either wants to date me or he doesn’t — I don’t see what’s so difficult about that.

  1. I have better things to do than small talk with him over Facebook messenger. He’ll “hit me up” on Facebook the odd time but very rarely will he text me. He always asks me the same old boring things like “how’s it going?” or just “hey.” What am I supposed to say to that? What is he doing and what does he want from me? I’m so tempted to not even reply because if I do, it’s just gonna be two people talking about surface level stuff and getting absolutely nowhere from it.
  2. I can’t tell if he’s waiting to make a move or he’s just not interested. He’s keeping things at a very “medium-low” pace. I’m not sure if that’s intentional or he’s just tired of me but still feels like he should keep in touch. I kinda doubt that last one, but it’s confusing either way! I mean, I think it’s pretty clear that he just wants to keep me around for sex, but I like to think that maybe he’s just playing the slow game. If so, he needs to hurry up!
  3. He’s playing with my emotions and I really don’t appreciate it. This whole sporadic courting process he’s pulling is taking me for a ride — and not in a fun way. When I do hear from him, I get my hopes up… only to be disappointed later when he doesn’t return my calls. To quote the Backstreet Boys, quit playing games with my heart. It’s just not fair.
  4. It makes me feel super insecure. Most guys would jump at the opportunity to date me, but he’s acting like he doesn’t want to and it’s totally throwing me off. I don’t know if he’s serious about it or just using it as a tactic to get me more interested in him, but either way, it makes me feel like crap. It really makes me second guess myself when he ignores me but then reaches out at other random times. Am I not good enough for him? Why won’t he take me seriously?
  5. I don’t know whether I should be dating other guys or not. Since he’s keeping contact with me, part of me thinks, hey, great! He’s interested! I don’t need to go out on random dates with guys from the internet! Cool. I’ve started to realize, though, that he’s not really interested… right? He’s just doing this to keep me in his court for later. I could be dating other people who are actually excited to be with me and he’s getting in the way of that. I really like him, but not enough to put up with this.
  6. I don’t necessarily WANT to be with him but I do want a clear answer. Look, he’s not exactly Prince Charming. It’s not like I’m vying for his attention, but he seems to be interested in me, so that makes me a little bit interested in him by default. Knowing this, I would really appreciate it if he’d be straight with me about what he wants out of this situation. I need him to either date me for real or get out of my life. It’s too stressful for me to keep trying to guess what’s going to happen with us.
  7. I feel like I’m stuck in purgatory with no way out. We’ve hung out a few times, but we haven’t really moved beyond a very casual type of relationship and I’m just wondering what the deal is. I feel stuck because a part of me wants to see where this will go, but another part just wants to move on. It’s like I’m in some kinda relationship purgatory and I’m just asking him to please release me.
  8. If he’s too busy to date me, he should just say so. I get that not everyone has time to date. I have times in my life where I’m so busy that the idea of pursuing an actual relationship with someone is just laughable. If he’s busy right now, he should let me know so I can occupy my time with other things (and other guys) instead of obsessing over someone who doesn’t even have time for me.
  9. I thought guys like to make decisions. Whatever happened to the old cliche that girls don’t know what they want and guys thrive on making quick decisions? He should know whether he wants to date me or not within the first few dates, but here we are, still doing this silly little song and dance.
  10. I refuse to be his side-piece. I’ve been in this situation before and I know exactly how it ends up. He keeps our conversations going while he’s seriously dating some other girl just in case it doesn’t work out and then when she drops him, he has me to fall back on. The thing is, I’m no one’s side piece — I’m the main attraction.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.