If You Don’t Have Thick Skin, You’ll Never Survive Dating

You grew up being told to play nice, but good luck expecting that kind of courtesy in return when you’re dating. The truth is that this game is brutal, and if you want to survive, you need to have thick skin or it’ll eat you alive. Here’s why:

  1. Rejection is a part of life. You have to learn not to take it so personally. Not every guy is going to be interested and you have to accept that. Have you liked every person you’ve ever met? Is every kid from preschool still your best friend? You’re not going to like everyone and not everyone will like you. That’s how the world works.
  2. Not every guy is going to be the right guy. If every guy were perfect for you, then no one would be. You need to accept that sometimes there will be a spark and other times the chemistry just won’t be there. Think of it this way — if you want one guy to be “The One” then every other guy has to be wrong for you.
  3. The only way to really lose is to give up. The punches will always keep coming, but every time you get knocked down, you just have to keep getting back up. When you keep meeting guys who do nothing but let you down, it’s easy to get down on dating as a whole, but you can’t think like that. Every guy may be a douche until you meet the one guy who actually cares. He’ll be worth it. You just can’t give up.
  4. Unrequited love isn’t so uncommon. Most men and women have had feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. You can’t let yourself wallow and pine for the guy who doesn’t want you. If he’s not interested then you have to just move on to the next. It really is that simple.
  5. There’s really nothing wrong with you. You can’t start thinking that every time you’re rejected or dumped that it’s completely your fault. The fact is, when things don’t work out, it’s because you weren’t right for each other. There was something wrong with the relationship, not with you.
  6. Breakups are pretty much inevitable. There are two endings to any relationship:til death do you part or you break up. Assuming you don’t choose to marry every man you meet, then you’re going to go through some breakups. That doesn’t mean they’ll be easy or that they won’t hurt like hell. You just have to accept that breakups are always a risk in dating.
  7. Broken hearts make you stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and that’s definitely true for broken hearts. At first it’s going to feel like you really are dying inside, but day by day the pain in you heart gets smaller and smaller. When you finally put the pieces back together, you’ll realize that there was nothing wrong with you and no reason to blame yourself. He hurt you, and maybe you should’ve seen it coming, but know you’ll know exactly how to spot the red flags next time.
  8. There will always be people who only care about your looks. You’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but physical attraction is a vital part of the dating game. You’re not just your looks, but to some people, you will be. You just can’t let those types of people get you down. You might offer a lot on the outside, but you offer more on the inside — don’t forget that.
  9. If you don’t know your worth, you’re going to get walked all over. Just like most things in life, nothing is going to just be handed to you (unless you grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth). If you want to be treated right then you need to demand the love you deserve. If you have no sense of self-worth, then you’ll attract men who aren’t good enough and who know that even if they treat you poorly, you’ll always stand by their side.
  10. Dating is all about confidence. Other players are going to try to tear you down, but you have to just keep rising above. The way you’ll find love and win the game is by believing you deserve it. Don’t let a man define if you’re smart, beautiful, or just plain good enough. Knowing that you’re more than good enough and never letting that confidence waiver is the only way you’ll survive.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.