There are a lot of guys out there who don’t handle rejection well. Obviously I know it’s #notallmen, but enough of them behave badly in the face of rejection to make women understandably fearful of saying “no.” There’s no way to win, either. Whether we’re polite, firm or outright ignore the guy, it’s often not good enough. There’s usually something else we should have said or done when some dude gets all up in his feelings and starts lashing out. And I’m willing to believe that every woman who has ever rejected a guy knows these things by heart:
- You’re fat – even if you’re not. This is the go-to insult for sub-set of men who go nuts when a girl doesn’t want to meet them, date them, or sleep with them. In today’s dating world, it’s like the mating call for the modern player. “Well, I don’t like fat chicks anyway.” “You’re lucky I even wanted to talk to you, fatty.” “Whatever, that’s cool, I bet I couldn’t even find your vagina through those rolls, you fat bitch.” Ever heard any of these charming responses? Oh, I bet you have. It’s telling, too, that being fat is apparently the very worst thing in the world. Ugh.
- You’re a bitch no matter what. And then there’s this. The type of guy who gets butthurt over a rejection thinks nothing of unleashing a torrent of vile vitriol on the lucky girl who got away. We’re all bitches. Every one of us. Some of us are, of course, fat bitches, while others are stuck-up bitches, spoiled bitches, uppity bitches, ugly bitches… you get the idea, yes?
- You’re promiscuous because you said no. I will never be able to understand this ass-backwards logic. It never fails with this particular group of guys, though. Reject them in any way – a polite “no,” a brusque dismissal, radio silence – and they call you a slut. How does that work? What kind of mental gymnastics does a guy have to do to even come up with that?
- No guy wants to date you anyway. Obviously, if you don’t want this guy, then not only does he not want you any longer (even though he was complimenting you down to your toes five minutes before), but no other guy wants you either. Not ever, not even one. Nobody wants you. This was the only guy you could ever possibly get and now you just ruined it! YOU RUINED IT! How could you?
- There’s no truly polite way to say “no.” Oh, no, there are several perfectly cordial, respectful ways to tell a man you aren’t interested in him, and most men recognize that. Some don’t, however – the small but vocal group whose ringleaders always end up splashed all over Bye, Felipe. No matter how polite you are to these dudes, you’re rude and mean and unfair. These days, it’s like not only do you owe a guy something if he pays for anything when you actually go out on a date, but you apparently owe him something just for being interested in you.
- Rape threats are apparently a totally justifiable reaction. This is sickening. There’s nothing else to say about it. Most men would never even think of stooping this low, but again, there’s a trashy faction of males who find it perfect acceptable to threaten women with rape if those women don’t want to date them. Call them trolls or neckbeards or basement dwellers, but the very fact that they’re out there somewhere is terrifying.
- Some guys are very persistent with their insults. Meaning, they will not stop. They continue if you don’t block them. Once you do, they can get quite clever and inventive. They’ll hunt you down on social networking platforms. They’ll weasel their way into your DMs and texts. If you met on a dating app, they’ll even create a new profile, just to call you a fat, promiscuous, undesirable bitch.
- No, ignoring the problem really doesn’t work. So, yeah. I laugh and shake my head every time I see someone tell a woman to ignore this garbage behavior as if countless women don’t try it every day, as if it never even occurred to us. The problem is that it doesn’t always work. Ignoring someone can start the abuse in the first place, it can make the madness spill over, and it can infiltrate other aspects of your life. To ignore it more than this, women would have to stay off the internet altogether.
- Their masculinity is more important than your feelings. Perhaps I should say their egos are more important than your feelings because that’s where the problem stems, it seems to me. The percentage of men who simply cannot handle rejection lash out in a way that suggests we’ve battered their egos and wounded their pride beyond all repair. Of course, some women probably set out to do that, but #notallwomen, and yes, blows to the ego are awful, but the reactions are totally disproportionate.
- The male entitlement struggle is real. This is what it comes down to with these guys – not all guys, just these guys. They feel entitled to women. They cannot understand why every woman they approach won’t at least agree to a date. I have no idea why that is. Do you? Does anyone? Dude, you might be a great guy, but you’re not the right choice for every single girl you approach.
Not all men are like this, but every woman who has ever dated men has probably met a guy who reacts to rejection like this. I know that women can react badly to rejection, as well, and those reactions are often ugly, but it’s not at this level. Women learn these lessons the hard way. We’re on the receiving end of them.