My Ex Won’t Stop Texting Me When He’s Lonely And It’s Really Annoying

When I ended my relationship with my boyfriend, I thought I was rid of him for good. I didn’t hate him, exactly, I just had nothing to say to him anymore. Our relationship had run its course and had clearly become toxic. We agreed to go our separate ways and let bygones by bygones. So why won’t my ex stop texting me? There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t get an unsolicited message from him. To be honest, it’s getting a little old.

Why won’t my ex stop texting me? These are the only possible explanations.

  1. He’s bored. When we were together, he often loafed around on the couch all weekend with nothing to do. There’s no doubt in my mind that my ex decides to fire off those texts to me when he’s bored out of his skull. It clearly doesn’t occur to him that he should get a hobby instead.
  2. He’s lonely. It’s tough going from being with a partner 24/7 to being on your own. I know because I went through the same thing. The difference is that I worked through those feelings and got over it. Being on your own doesn’t have to mean being lonely. I guess it’s just easier to reach for what’s comfortable.
  3. He wants to have some kind of power over me. By texting me, he probably thinks it’ll make me feel more attached to him. Like I won’t want to move on. What he doesn’t realize is that I already have. Hearing from my ex doesn’t fill me with desire or even nostalgia. It just makes me want to change my number.
  4. He doesn’t want me to move on. Because he’s not in a relationship with someone new, he doesn’t want me to be either. I’m not, but not because I can’t get a new boyfriend. I just enjoy my own company. I don’t want to be in a relationship right now. If I did want to, I would. A text from my ex wouldn’t stop me.
  5. He wants to get back together. I mean, I don’t see why he would, but it’s a possibility. Maybe he thinks it’s the easy option since he already knows me so well. He’s in for a rude awakening when he realizes it’s never going to happen.
  6. He thinks I’ll still have sex with him. I’m not that desperate or that silly. He was good in bed, I’m not going to lie. However, there’s nothing at all to gain from hopping back into bed with my ex. I have a vibrator if I’m feeling like I need to get my rocks off. He doesn’t have a chance in hell.

What I wish my ex would realize before pressing ‘send’ on those texts to me

woman lying on couch texting

provided by iStock

  1. He’s only holding himself back. As I said, I’ve moved on. There’s nothing preventing me from seeing other people, so why would his random texts have any impact? The best cure for his loneliness is for him to move on too. The more my ex texts me, the less likely he is to get over me.
  2. It’s really annoying. Every time I think he’s finally given up, his name pops up yet again on my phone. He’s like a yeast infection that keeps coming back uninvited. At this point, I’m more annoyed than anything else. Doesn’t he realize I don’t want to talk to him?
  3. He never actually apologized. It’s so weird to me that my ex thinks I’ll actually give him the time of day, especially when he never said he was sorry for what he did to me. He knows what went down in our relationship. If he truly cared and wanted to talk, he could at least muster an apology.
  4. I can tell when he’s drunk. He thinks that I can’t, but it’s pretty obvious. He gets all sentimental and uses too many emoji. Let’s not even mention his spelling. There’s nothing worse than dealing with a drunk person when you’re stone-cold sober.
  5. It’s pathetic. Doesn’t he feel embarrassed by it? I’m embarrassed on his behalf. There’s nothing sadder than shooting off an “I miss you” at three in the morning to an old flame. I just want him to have a little dignity. Is that too much to ask for?
  6. I know he’s hooking up with other people. I don’t go looking for it, but gossip finds me. When a mutual friend spills the dish, I often get to hear about his latest conquests. Does he think I’m an idiot? If he can’t make an emotional connection with someone else, that’s not my problem. That doesn’t give my ex the right to text me.
  7. We had good times, but now they’re over. This is probably the most important point. We’re done, and anything we shared is now in the past. Trying to hang on to it is just hurting both of us. He needs to let me go.
  8. I’m worth more than late-night texts. What, he couldn’t find someone to hook up with, so he thought he’d text me just in case I was feeling sentimental? I have a bit more self-respect than that, thanks.

How I’m “responding” to my ex’s messages

Simply put, I’m not responding. I’m not trying to be rude or cruel, I just don’t think it’s healthy. Not enough time has passed since our breakup for us to be able to interact on a platonic level. I’m not even sure I want to be friends with him down the line, but certainly not now. He can text all he’d like, but he won’t be hearing from me. Maybe he’ll eventually get the hint and realize there are better things he could be doing with his time.

Becca Rose is a writer with high hopes for her student loan debt. She's a musician and aspiring novelist, but don't ask her to write poetry, because she's terrible at it. She has written for HelloGiggles, The Toast, The Huffington Post, and more. You can find her on Twitter @bookbeaut