You’re My Ex For A Reason, So Please Stop Texting Me When You’re Lonely

We broke up for a reason. Don’t you remember how it went down? I sure as hell do, and the part where we went our separate ways was the best part. So why do you keep blowing up my phone? No matter how lonely you’re feeling, it’s time to delete my number for good.

You’re only holding yourself back.

Like I said, I’ve moved on. There’s nothing preventing me from seeing other people, so why would your random texts have any impact? The best cure for your loneliness is for you to move on, too.

It’s annoying af.

Every time I think you’ve finally given up, your name pops up yet again on my phone. You’re like a yeast infection that keeps coming back uninvited. At this point, I’m more annoyed than anything else.

You’ve never actually apologized.

It’s so weird to me that you think I’ll actually give you the time of day, especially when you never said sorry. You know what you did, and you know exactly why we ended things. If you really cared, you could start out with an apology.

I can tell when you’re drunk.

You think I can’t, but it’s pretty obvious. You all sentimental and use too many emoji. Let’s not even mention your spelling.

It’s pathetic.

Don’t you feel embarrassed by it? I’m embarrassed on your behalf. There’s nothing sadder than shooting off an “I miss you” at three in the morning to an old flame. Have some dignity.

I know you’re hooking up with other people.

I don’t go looking for it, but gossip finds me. When a mutual friend spills the dish, I often get to hear about your latest conquests. Do you think I’m an idiot? If you can’t make an emotional connection with someone else, that’s not my problem.

We had good times, but now they’re over.

This is probably the most important point. We’re done, and anything we shared is now in the past. Trying to hang on to it is just hurting the both of us. You need to let me go.

I’m worth more than late-night texts.

What, you couldn’t find someone to hook-up with, so you thought you’d text me just in case I was feeling sentimental? I have a bit more self-respect than that, thanks.

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