You might see a text from your crush in the wee hours and think he’s just looking for a hookup. That might be the case, but when a guy only texts you at night, there are a few more things it could mean. Here are some of the possibilities to consider.
- He’s bored. He’s chilling alone at home and he has nothing to do so he decides to see if you’re up. While this guy can be annoying with his “u up?” texts — thanks, dude, I actually was asleep until you messaged — he might just want to chat. Of course, he has to realize he can come across as super-selfish. A lady needs her beauty rest!
- He’s lonely. If he’s regularly texting you (and not just at night), this doesn’t have to look suspicious. If he only ever texts late at night and it seems like he’s always desperate for a chat, however, that’s a red flag. It’s like he doesn’t want to actually date you. He just wants you there whenever he needs you.
- He’s a workaholic. The guy only texts you or replies to your texts when it’s late because that’s the first time he can check his messages in the day. Yup, he’s either working hard or he’s a workaholic. Either way, he should at least explain his situation so that seeing his late-night texts doesn’t rub you the wrong way.
- He’s a party animal. He might text you late at night because he’s out having fun, getting wasted, and being a party guy. Ugh. While that might be fine and even fun if his texts are entertaining, it’s not cool if you’re looking for something serious. A guy who parties hard and sleeps all day is probably not fantastic boyfriend material.
- You’re not his priority. A guy who limits conversations to the dark hours probably wasn’t thinking of you all day. You’re definitely not a priority in his life. He’ll turn to you when he feels like chatting but he won’t be consistent with you. Basically, if he can’t text you during the day sometimes, he’s not really that serious about you. It’s that simple.
- He just wants to have fun. He reserves chats for late at night because he’s just looking for some entertainment and he’s not in the mood to watch a Netflix show. Sure, conversations with him might be loads of fun, but sooner or later you’re going to wonder why he never wants to have a serious chat at, say, five o’clock in the afternoon.
- He knows you’re available 24-7. If he’s just interested in some casual dating or chatting, he might take advantage of the fact that you’re always available. If you text him even when you’re exhausted or you’re not really in the mood to chat, he’ll get the message that every time he clicks his fingers, you’ll come running. Yes, even if it’s after two in the morning and you have an early start at work that day. Try to be a bit of a challenge and see proof of his real intentions.
- He’s doing the bare minimum. A guy who texts late at night might fall into this habit because he just wants to make it seem like he’s actually into you even though he’s not. He texts you late at night because he knows you’re probably not going to be able to have a long chat, which gets him off the hook. Not every guy who texts you late at night is guilty of this but some do play these manipulative games.
- He’s putting you on hold. He’s the guy who doesn’t initiate text conversations late at night. However, he’ll text a reply to a message you sent him earlier in the day. This gives you the feeling that he’s actually keen to stay in touch. But let’s face it — he’s being shady by delaying your conversations all the time. A guy who knows you’re upset with him because he never replies to your messages on time might resort to texting you late at night so that you’re appeased and he doesn’t have to actually talk. He can say something like, “Saw your message earlier. I was so busy but I know it’s late now, so chat tomorrow.” Don’t expect a text from him the next day.
- He’s not worth more than your sleep. Although a romantic “good night” text after midnight can be sweet once in a while, if a guy’s only texting you late at night when you should be relaxing instead of being kept awake by his rambling, and this is his regular texting behavior, understand that he’s probably not the guy for you. He’s not looking for something real based on consistent conversation. He’s not going to be your person. Don’t waste a minute of your precious sleep for him. He’s not worth it.
What to do when he only texts at night
- Don’t answer. If you feel like he’s only messaging you this late because he wants a quick hookup and that’s not what you’re into, you can either tell him this directly or simply ignore him. He’ll probably just think you’re asleep (or at least get the hint that you’re nobody’s booty call).
- Respond in the morning. If he wants to strike up a conversation, he can do so during the daylight hours. Feel free to message him back when you get up the next day. You know, when it’s a more decent time. If he’s not interested in chatting then, that tells you pretty much everything you need to know.
- Tell him you’re not feeling it. Sure, maybe he has a busy job and only gets time to chat at night. That’s fine. You’re not unreasonable, but there should be a limit to what constitutes an appropriate time to be messaging someone you’re not in a proper relationship with, especially when it’s not an emergency. Maybe you set that time at 11 p.m. or maybe even 10 p.m. Let him know that you’d prefer to text a bit earlier in the evening. Then see how he reacts.
- Decide to cut the cord. If he isn’t ever interested in chatting during the day and seems to think it’s not an issue that he only messages you when the rest of the world has already gone to bed, it’s pretty clear this isn’t going to turn into a relationship. If you’re cool with just having a hookup, by all means, keep talking to this guy. Otherwise, it’s probably better to cut your losses now. If there are problems this early, they won’t get any better.