I Feel A Little Ashamed To Admit I Want A Boyfriend

Since when did admitting you want a relationship become taboo? Being single sucks after a while, but for some reason, we feel we have to pretend to be loving every second of it. Truth is, I’m longing to be in a committed relationship. Is that so bad to say out loud?

Society says you either have to be in a relationship or happily single. If social media has accomplished one thing, it’s giving everyone a complex that they need to be happy at all times. If you’re mad at your boyfriend, you still have to post loved-up selfies, and if you’re sobbing into your meal deal for one on a Friday night, you’d better be masking that crap with the strong, independent woman hashtag at every opportunity. Why are we afraid to admit that sometimes, we’d like our lives to be different?

If you openly admit you’re looking for love, it comes across as desperate. How anyone manages to get into a relationship these days is beyond me, since admitting out loud that we’d like to have one is considered the same socially as turning up to your first date wearing a wedding dress. Why does it seem so desperate to say that you’re looking for love, when deep down that’s what everyone wants?

I’m done with the whole independent woman thing. Yeah, yeah, I don’t need a man to make me happy and all that, but the truth is, I secretly do. Sure, I can be a career bitch who’s able to stand on her own two feet, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like someone to share my awesome life with. A boyfriend wouldn’t complete me but he would make me feel much more wanted.

Being single has its perks, but most single people would jump ship if they could. Loads of my single friends defend their single status, and it’s true that it’s pretty awesome being able to live the life you want without any commitments. Ultimately, though, even the most die-hard singleton wants to settle down, and I’ve reached the stage in my life where I want to care about more than just myself.

I miss having that one person to share everything with. It’s hard to describe what’s missing from my life. I’m never exactly lonely but I definitely don’t feel that there’s someone special out there just for me. When I get great news, read something funny or have a horrible day, I want to be able to share that with someone other than my mom.

I want someone to take care of. Feeling loved in a relationship is amazing, but I’ve grown up a bit since I last left the dating scene—I’m ready to be there and take care of someone else now, too. I want to be a supportive partner to someone, to be able to give them a back rub after a hard day, pick them up when they’re down and pass them the remote when they can’t be bothered to leave the sofa. I’m ready to build a connection based on more than just sex.

Regular sex would be a damn fine thing. That said, I’m certainly not in a position to turn down sex when I can get it. Being in a relationship means having someone you actually care about to get intimate with, which makes it all the more special. Not having to get dressed to the nines to pull would make my life a lot easier logistically, too.

Nights in are hard when there’s no one to snuggle up to. Sure, partying the night away is great when you’re single, but having a quiet night in? Not the same. Sharing a glass of wine with your BF is romantic; downing a bottle alone is plain depressing. I want someone to cozy up with in the evenings and look forward to spending time with them—I’m tired of having to warm both sides of the bed myself.

I won’t settle for just anyone but I’m definitely on the lookout. I’m not so desperate to find someone that I’ll settle for anyone with a penis, but the problem with the dating game nowadays is that I’ll seem that way if I even hint that I’m looking for commitment. There’s no shame in being on the lookout for that special someone, and if I don’t put myself out there, he might just pass me by.

Why pretend not to care when I care so much? Acting like I’m not bothered about finding someone seems pathetic when it’s such a blatant lie. I want to be in a loving relationship, and pretending that I couldn’t care less certainly isn’t going to get me there any faster. Admitting that I want a boyfriend is my first step to making it happen because I deserve to be loved as much as anyone else.

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