Love never seems to happen the same way twice and it can be incredibly fickle. Some people fall in love easily while others spend a lot of time and effort searching for a feeling they can’t even really explain. One of the worst things about love is that you can’t control who you fall for or whether or not they feel the same way about you. However, here’s how to make someone fall in love with you easily.
How to make someone fall in love with you
- Listen to them. What makes a good listener? Someone who is genuinely interested in what you have to say and isn’t just waiting for their turn to speak. A 2010 study of 373 couples from the University of Michigan found that those who were able to discuss issues calmly and listen to their partner when having an argument were less likely to separate later on than couples who didn’t do this. At the falling in love stage, listening to each other will make you both feel like your feelings and opinions are important, which is part of building a foundation for a strong relationship.
- Be vulnerable. For a Modern Love column from 2015, a writer tried a scientifically-backed experiment that had two people ask each other 36 questions that become increasingly personal. The questions are designed to be uncomfortable at times and create intimacy that would normally take much longer to develop. You don’t have to follow this exact list of questions, but if you want someone to fall in love with you, you have to be open and vulnerable with them. It’s not easy, but it has the potential to be totally worth it.
- Make eye contact. The Modern Love experiment is supposed to culminate in the two people staring into each other’s eyes without saying anything for four minutes to make them feel even more connected. Another study from 1989 asked two strangers to look into each other’s eyes for two minutes. And in some cases, that was enough to produce passionate feelings for each other. According to this study, when you look someone directly in the eyes, their body produces a chemical called phenylethylamine that may make the person feel in love.
- Stay positive. It seems pretty basic, sure. But the more you smile when you’re with someone, the more they’ll like you. According to one study, smiling makes you look more attractive, more engaging, and more approachable. There’s a reason so many people include a good sense of humor in their list of must-haves. Laughter brings people together. Plus, it makes getting through the tough times a little bit easier.
- Use your body language. There are plenty of nonverbal signs that someone is into you, so it makes sense that paying attention to when you are sending these signals will help communicate your interest too. Showing your interest in a subtle way will let someone know that you would be open to their advances and since no one likes being rejected, they’re a lot more likely to show their interest in you if they’re confident you return their feelings at least a little bit. Mutual interest is the first step toward love.
- Wear red. The color you’re wearing won’t exactly make someone fall in love with you immediately, but studies show it might get the ball rolling. One study found that men who talked with women in red ended up asking more intimate questions than they did of women wearing green. While that doesn’t mean you should start overhauling your entire wardrobe, it might be worth wearing something red when you’re headed out on a promising date.
- Embrace their passions. A partner is someone you can trust with anything and feel confident they will always support you. When you support someone’s passions — ask questions about them, genuinely take an interest in them, cheer them on — they’re more likely to want you around because you make them feel good about their dreams and themselves.
- Don’t be afraid to get touchy. I’m not saying you should go around touching just anyone whenever you feel like it, but if you’re on a date and you’re getting good vibes, reaching out and touching their arm for a minute could make them more attracted to you. Studies have shown that touch can cause a chemical reaction inside us and change how we feel about someone else. In the early stages of a relationship, touch causes a rush of dopamine that makes us feel high, and that’s a feeling we went to have again and again.
- Get your adrenaline pumping. Sick of boring coffee dates? You’re in luck because studies have found that experiencing something scary or nerve-wracking with someone can actually jump-start attraction. While you shouldn’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do, trying something new on a date is a good way to bond. How about ax throwing, a haunted house, or rock climbing? If nothing else, it will be memorable!
- Play hard to get. No one likes games, but there is still something to be said for maintaining a little bit of mystery, especially in the beginning. You can’t drop everything for someone and give them all your attention and expect them to stay interested. The “law of scarcity” says that people often want what they can’t have. By constantly being available to someone, you could diminish your value. Instead, let them miss you a little.
What if none of those things work?
As much as it sucks to admit, there are no guarantees in love. While the above tactics are scientifically proven to increase attraction, they’re not foolproof. When you feel like you’re doing everything right and getting nothing back, remember this.
- It’s not a reflection of your self-worth. It’s hard not to take it personally when someone we like doesn’t reciprocate our feelings. However, it’s important to remember that this isn’t about you. The fact that they’re not picking up what you’re putting down isn’t your fault. It’s no one’s fault, actually. Sometimes people just don’t click, and that’s okay.
- It’s not a sign to try harder. Don’t let a lack of reciprocation make you act desperate. You’re not desperate. Not getting anything back from someone you’re into doesn’t mean you should go at it even harder. It means that they’re not interested. To keep going would be a waste of your time. Plus, your ego will likely feel pretty bruised. It’s better to accept rejection gracefully and move on.
- It’s okay to feel hurt. You’re a human being with feelings and they’re been hurt. There’s no shame in admitting that. The only way out is through. Let yourself feel upset. Then, brush yourself off, get up, and move on.
- It’s not a sign you’re going to be alone forever. This person isn’t the only single person in the world. And they’re definitely not the only person you’ll ever like. It might feel like you’re destined to become an old lonely cat person. You’re not. The sting of this will wear off and you’ll find someone better. Someone you like even more. This time, they may even like you back. They’d be silly not to, really. In the meantime, try not to become fatalistic about love. It exists and you’ll find it. You just have to be patient.