Love never seems to happen the same way twice and it can be incredibly fickle. Some people fall in love easily while others spend a lot of time and effort searching for a feeling they can’t even really explain. One of the worst things about love is that you can’t control who you fall for or whether or not they feel the same way about you. However, here’s how to make someone fall in love with you easily.
Listen to them. What makes a good listener? Someone who is genuinely interested in what you have to say and isn’t just waiting for their turn to speak. A 2010 study of 373 couples from the University of Michigan found that those who were able to discuss issues calmly and listen to their partner when having an argument were less likely to separate later on than couples who didn’t do this. At the falling in love stage, listening to each other will make you both feel like your feelings and opinions are important, which is part of building a foundation for a strong relationship.
Be vulnerable. For a Modern Love column from 2015, a writer tried a scientifically-backed experiment that had two people ask each other 36 questions that become increasingly personal. The questions are designed to be uncomfortable at times and create intimacy that would normally take much longer to develop. You don’t have to follow this exact list of questions, but if you want someone to fall in love with you, you have to be open and vulnerable with them. It’s not easy, but it has the potential to be totally worth it.
Make eye contact. The experiment from the same Modern Love column is supposed to culminate in the two people staring into each other’s eyes without saying anything for four minutes to make them feel even more connected. Another study from 1989 asked two strangers to look into each other’s eyes for two minutes which in some cases was enough to produce passionate feelings for each other. According to this study, when you look someone directly in the eyes, their body produces a chemical called phenylethylamine that may make the person feel in love.
Stay positive. It seems pretty basic, but the more you smile when you’re with someone the more they’ll like you. According to one study, smiling makes you look more attractive, more engaging, and more approachable. There’s a reason so many people include a good sense of humor in their list of must-haves: laughter brings people together and it makes getting through the tough times a little bit easier.
Use your body language. There are plenty of nonverbal signs that someone is into you, so it makes sense that paying attention to when you are sending these signals will help communicate your interest too. Showing your interest in a subtle way will let someone know that you would be open to their advances and since no one likes being rejected, they’re a lot more likely to show their interest in you if they’re confident you return their feelings at least a little bit. Mutual interest is the first step towards love.
Wear red. The color you’re wearing won’t exactly make someone fall in love with you immediately, but studies show it might get the ball rolling. One study found that men who talked with women in red ended up asking more intimate questions than they did of women wearing green. While that doesn’t mean you should start overhauling your entire wardrobe, it might be worth wearing something red when you’re headed out on a promising date.
Embrace their passions. A partner is someone you can trust with anything and feel confident they will always support you. When you support someone’s passions — ask questions about them, genuinely take an interest in them, cheer them on — they’re more likely to want you around because you make them feel good about their dreams and themselves.
Don’t be afraid to get touchy. I’m not saying you should go around touching just anyone whenever you feel like it, but if you’re on a date and you’re getting good vibes, reaching out and touching their arm for a minute could make them more attracted to you. Studies have shown that touch can cause a chemical reaction inside us and change how we feel about someone else. In the early stages of a relationship, touch causes a rush of dopamine that makes us feel high, and that’s a feeling we went to have again and again.
Get your adrenaline pumping. Sick of boring coffee dates? You’re in luck because studies have found that experiencing something scary or nerve-wracking with someone can actually jump-start attraction. While you shouldn’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do, trying something new on a date is a good way to bond. How about ax throwing, a haunted house, or rock climbing? If nothing else, it will be memorable!
Play hard to get. No one likes games, but there is still something to be said for maintaining a little bit of mystery, especially in the beginning. You can’t drop everything for someone and give them all your attention and expect them to stay interested. The “law of scarcity” says that people often want what they can’t have. By constantly being available to someone, you could diminish your value. Instead, let them miss you a little.
Signs someone is ready to fall in love with you
Have you done enough to earn their affection? If you’re wondering how deep their feelings go, here are some signs the object of your affection is already falling in love with you.
They have a cute pet name for you that only they call you. Pet names can be kind of obnoxious (particularly when you’re not in a relationship and are hopelessly single), but when you’re in love, they’re really cute. You know the person you’re dating is ready to fall in love with you when they come up with little names that only they call you and that have a special significance to you and your relationship.
They introduce you to the people closest to them. You know from past experience that you don’t introduce your family and friends to the people you date when it’s not serious. If you find someone you like enough that you want all the important people in your life to know about them, you know there’s something major there. Take that as a very good sign.
They remember the little things you tell them. Maybe you only mentioned in passing once that you really like peonies so one day, they show up with a bunch because they saw them at the greenmarket and it reminded them of you. Maybe they know your coffee order off by heart even though it’s ridiculously long and overcomplicated. Maybe they remember the first pet you had, a turtle in second grade named Mortimer. Basically, if they’re committing the small details to memory, you don’t need to make them fall in love with you because they already are.
They’re physically affectionate and find excuses to touch you. Sex is great and sexual chemistry is important. However, you know you have a deeper connection with someone when they find excuses to be physically affectionate with you for the sake of it, not with the intention of ending up in bed together. If they hold your hand, touch you a lot, and give you forehead or cheek kisses, they’re crazy about you.
They call or text you “just because.” There’s nothing really going on and you just spoke/saw each other a few hours ago, but they’re still getting in touch because they were thinking about you. When you’re in love with someone, they occupy so much of your mental space and you just want to be around them all the time. This is incredibly sweet.
They’re over the partying lifestyle and would rather stay in with you. Whether you met online or at a bar or whatever, they were always into the social scene. That is until they met you. Now, going out and partying don’t hold any interest for them. They’d much rather stay in hang out with you on the couch and order a pizza.
They love all your strange little quirks. You know you have annoying habits — we all do. However, when someone is in love with you, they don’t find those things annoying at all. In fact, they’re kind of adorable because they make you your own unique self. It’s nice to be appreciated for all of your idiosyncracies.
They’re your number one fan and biggest cheerleader. At the end of the day, you know you can rely on them to lift you up when you’re down and to encourage you to be your best self. They pride themself on being your biggest cheerleader and are always there to celebrate every win as well as recover from any losses. Now that’s love.