12 Signs You’re Trying Too Hard To Get The Guy & Need To Chill

Before you send your crush that flirtatious text, ask yourself when last he made an effort to show you how he feels about you. If you’re the only one pushing things along, there’s a problem. While it’s great to be open and straightforward about your feelings, there’s a limit to just how hard you should be trying to make a guy your boyfriend. Here are 12 signs you need to rein your efforts in a little:

You feel tired after an exchange.

After talking/texting with or seeing the guy, you feel like you’ve had all the life sucked out of you because it feels like being with him means having to be the brightest/funniest/most gorgeous woman in the world otherwise he won’t take notice. You shouldn’t have to be anyone other than yourself. You’re amazing as is and if he can’t see that, it’s not meant to be.

You’re always the first texter. 

Most of the time, you’re the one who initiates contact. You’ve even saved “Hey, how’s it going?” as a draft text so you don’t have to type it up. Obviously you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out, but if you’re the only one who ever does, there’s a problem.

His lack of response only encourages you to double down on your efforts. 

If the guy goes quiet and isn’t even reading your messages, and you react by trying to get his attention (sexting, anyone?), then that’s a sure sign you need to stop trying because he’s clearly not interested. Dating is not supposed to be such hard work.

You’re always the one who makes the plans. 

Are you his love interest or his personal assistant? If you’re always the one trying to make plans because you know you’d never get together if you didn’t, then a good test would be to stop completely and really see what he does. Enough with dragging the guy along — he has to earn your time.

You’re stretching out the first impression. 

Every time you’re with the guy, you try to be your absolute best: you look amazing, turn on the charm, and really try to show him you’re a valuable potential girlfriend. Is he doing the same for you? If you’re rocking up dressed to the nines while he’s slouching around in a ratty t-shirt and cargo shorts, there’s your answer right there.

You free up your entire weekend every week in case he wants to hang. 

When he wants to see you at the drop of a hat, you’re available. Every. Single. Time. Nothing screams out that you’re desperate for this guy’s attention like emptying your social calendar so that he can make an appearance.

You don’t express yourself. 

You might think that to get the guy, you’ve got to be like the guy. That means biting your tongue when he makes a weirdly sexist remark, enjoying the hobbies he does, and so on. But that’s just crap — no guy is worth such a compromise. Don’t you want him to like the real you?

You’re swatting away your doubts. 

Those annoying doubts — that maybe he’s not the right guy for you or maybe he’s not as interested in you as you are in him — come at you like flies. You’re going to get muscular arms like Arnold Schwarzenegger from trying to swat them away all the time. The doubts are there for a reason, so pay attention to them.

You’ve overstepped your boundaries. 

There are things you’ve done for this guy that you know have run through your boundary lines faster than Usain Bolt, like when you helped him sort out his drama, gave him money or accepted his lame excuses yet again for why he stood you up. You did them so that he’d see you as a cool chick, but all he sees is someone who’s willing to let him get his way.

Your cuticles are a mess. 

You feel insecure about where things are going to the point where you’re biting your cuticles off. You wonder if he’s really into you, what he’s thinking about you, and when he’s going to ask you out on an official date, already. Ugh. No guy is worth an emergency manicure.

You’re an interviewer. 

Do your dates with this guy sometimes feel like you’re interviewing him because you ask so many questions about his life? You’re interested in what he’s about, but he’s not really asking you so many things about yourself, which is total BS. If there’s not a two-way dialogue, there’s no connection, which means there’s no relationship.

You’re always just “in the neighborhood.” 

You found yourself in the mall across the road from his place of work and decided it wouldn’t be so bad to pop by and say hi, especially since he was so quiet over the weekend. Um, you’re not popping by, you’re popping any chance of a relationship with this guy! It’s so awkward to show up in his life unannounced, especially because it’s basically asking him why he’s not contacting you. Desperate much?

You change your appearance. 

Everyone wants to feel sexy AF on dates, but if you’ve made a drastic change to how you look, such as with your hair or by purchasing clothes you wouldn’t usually wear, it might be a desperate attempt at trying to impress him. Honestly, a guy doesn’t care what hair color you have. If he hasn’t asked you out by now, the only thing you should be changing is your mind about him.

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