My Fiance Can Financially Support Me But I Refuse To Depend On A Guy For My Needs

Some people seem to think that stay-at-home moms are just lazy women trying to escape the working world and that we’re just slurping off our partners’ hard-earned money, but that’s BS. I do take care of our child full-time, but I also choose to be financially independent from my S.O. by looking for ways to earn extra income outside of what he brings into the house. Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love making my own dough.

 While my happiness doesn’t really rely on having all the money in the world, it does give me a sense of joy to know that I’m earning on my own. Being financially stable is addictive—once you start bringing in cash, you’re motivated to keep working to bring in more. It’s also incredibly gratifying to know that I’ve earned with my own two hands. The sense of pride and accomplishment is unparalleled.

It lessens the guilt in buying the unnecessary stuff.

When I quitted my office work three years ago to stay home and take care of our child, the downside was that I felt financially incapacitated. It wasn’t because my partner didn’t provide enough—he actually did—but whenever I picked up a $40 toy that my son played with for all of two days or when I picked up $100 worth of skincare products, I used to cringe. As I started to make my own money again, I felt a lot better about picking up stuff I wanted but didn’t need since I knew I wasn’t wasting cash my partner had earned.

Nothing was ever handed to me on a silver platter.

Props to my father for this kind of attitude. He raised me to become a woman who had no qualms in striving for the things she wants. While he provided me the very best he can for my basic needs, from a decent home to a college education, he didn’t give into my materialistic whims, which is what drove me to become financially independent. It sucked at the time, but as I matured, I realized how awesome he had been in molding me like this.

I was taught the value of hard work.

I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth and neither were my parents. Just as my grandparents taught my mom and dad, my parents taught me and my siblings that we had to put in the effort to reach our goals and dreams and get what we want out of life. Instant gratification doesn’t seem attractive to me because I’ve never experienced in it—instead, I know that earning money, like everything else, is a process, and when I finally get the thing I’ve had my eye on, it’ll feel that much more satisfying. 

I don’t like feeling like a burden.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying that just because I’m not earning your own living full-time then it means I’m worthless or anything. The thing is, I know that I want a lot of stuff—some little, some big, some necessary, some not—and I don’t want my partner to be burdened and feel like he has to answer to every last whim of mine. I’d rather work hard to buy things for myself than to see him struggling to make ends meet. And for the record, yes, I’m reasonably high maintenance.

It’s downright awkward to spend someone’s earnings.

 I still want this kind of financial boundary between myself and my S.O. even if we are officially going to be married soon. If someone says that separate finances aren’t a great idea for a lasting relationship, they can GTFO. Yes, my partner and I may share almost entirely everything, including joint expenses, but there’s nothing wrong with respecting each other’s cashflow. I mean, I’m not being selfish (in fact, I’m very willing to buy him his dream Ferrari if I could)—it just really feels awkward to buy him something using his own bank account and then claim it’s from me. 

It feels good to be able to help financially.

Apart from the satisfaction of being self-sufficient, it also feels like an accomplishment to be able to help my partner in building our family’s dreams. When he needs a little help with expenses, I can be there for him. Sure, the world doesn’t revolve around money, but it’s a big thing. I also support him by showing him love, attention, and appreciation, but being able to take part in keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table is important to me. 

I don’t believe in outdated gender norms.

 Maybe it was a thing back in the day for women to be the homemakers while men brought home the bacon, but that’s been outdated for a while now. Living is expensive and most couples need two incomes in order to maintain a comfortable lifestyle. That’s yet another reason I insist on taking on jobs to help bring in cash. Our livelihood shouldn’t depend on how much my fiance does or doesn’t work, so it doesn’t. I’m more than happy to pull my weight.

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