Want To Find A Good Guy? Work On Your Emotional Resume

Are you frustrated with the toxic men you attract? Are you prone to constantly end up in the same terrible relationship just a different guy? Just like we work on our professional resumes to get the job we want, we should also work our emotional resumes to get the guy we want.

  1. Figure out exactly what you need from a relationship. Do you have a habit of fishing for compliments too often or expecting a guy to be at your beck and call 24/7? The confident man will expect an equal give and take in a relationship. If you take more than you give, that might be a reason he doesn’t stick around. Are you so independent that you don’t let him show his regard and respect for you? Don’t confuse his chivalry with sexism—he’s simply telling you he thinks you’re worth his time and attention. Swallow your pride and let him pay for your meal or ask him to help with a project! It doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of taking care of yourself, it just lets him know you want him along on your journey.
  2. List your five weakest emotional qualities. Are you an impatient person who always takes over? Are you unable to take constructive criticism? How have those five weakest qualities affected your past relationships? Insight doesn’t automatically come with adulthood. It takes practice and emotional maturity requires some pretty basic observation. Make a plan to address each quality on your list honestly with a close friend. If being too sensitive was on your list better ask a tactful friend.
  3. Journal to find your trigger points. We often engage in chronic behavior unconsciously. To understand why we do what we do, journal each time you’re aware of engaging in that chronic behavior. Are you late all the time? Check to see if you simply have poor time management skills or if you don’t regard others’ time as valuable as your own. Do you talk over others because you’re afraid you won’t be heard? You might be surprised at your answers.
  4. Do you see the qualities in you that you look for in a guy? Write down all the qualities you want most in a guy. Do you mirror those qualities? Want the guy who’s ready for a real relationship but you keep your options open. Like a considerate man but you criticize too much. Attractiveness isn’t just about good hair and make-up but the overall package.
  5. Do mock dates with friends to find your weak points. Do you babble from nerves or talk too much about ex-boyfriends on dates? Address what is holding you back and practice changing those habits.
  6. Address your body image issues. Put up encouraging quotes on your mirror if you struggle with body image. Great guys like a woman who can take a compliment graciously. If you take his feedback well, he knows you value his opinion. If, however, you have consistent negative reactions to his compliments, he will get discouraged and move on. Ask your friends to compliment you and practice saying “Thank you” and “That’s sweet!” instead of pointing out the negative about your appearance.
  7. Get some depth. If you’re too into the perfect selfie or obsessed with how your latest social media post did but have no idea what’s going on in the world, you might be too shallow for the compassionate guy. Volunteer at a charity or humanitarian organization and find out what he’s really into. He’ll be turned on by your newfound altruism!
  8. Cut out the drinking and drugging. How often do you binge drink or use recreational drugs? This is a great exercise to see if partying is getting in the way of finding the great guy. Do you have extreme mood swings when you’re not drinking or high? Have your friends complained that you can be irresponsible? The great guy won’t stick around long if you don’t get your partying under control!
  9. Up your conflict IQ. Do you lose your temper easily when stressed or become distant and cold when angry? Do you avoid conflict like the plague to get out of an argument? Here are three great questions to ask yourself in your relationships. How do you respond when confronted about violating the expectations from a relationship? How do you confront someone about violating your expectations in the relationship? Are your feelings in proportion to the situation? Journal what you find.
  10. Give guys compliments more often. Just like we love to get positive feedback so do guys. Learn how to give sweet yet honest compliments to your man. Independence doesn’t mean you can’t tell him about the great things you see in him. Compliments are verbal encouragement to let him know what he is doing well and motivate him to keep it up! Men don’t always ask for positive feedback but they need it just the same.
A Chattanooga Tennessee native with a B.S. in Psychology from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. Married with no children. Has worked in everything from grocery stores to a home school co-op teacher. Started writing as a child for fun and continued writing after college for different publications. Cliche' as it may be I'm still working on the next great American novel!