My Friends Couldn’t Stand My Boyfriend, And It Destroyed The Relationship

I thought I’d found the perfect guy, but there was just one problem: my friends couldn’t stand him. Caught between my affection for him and my love for my friends, I soon found myself having to make a tough choice between the two — and I almost made the wrong one.

  1. My friends and boyfriend were totally different. My friends were fun-loving, artistic people who were easy to get along with. My boyfriend was a serious, uptight guy who thought art was stupid. Oh boy. Being in the same room as all of them was cringeworthy.
  2. My friends thought he was out of my league. At a get-together that was really uncomfortable where my boyfriend was throwing back the booze, my friend pulled me aside and said, “You’re out of his league. You can do better.” I know it was meant as a compliment, but it hurt me. I wanted my friends to accept the man I’d chosen.
  3. I know they weren’t out to get me. My friends weren’t jealous of my happiness or secretly into the guy. The great thing about them is that they’ve always supported me and wanted the best for me. So I knew that they had valid reasons for not liking my boyfriend. It just sucked because I DID like him. I wanted to live my life happily and drama-free, but their honesty with what they thought of my partner made it difficult.
  4. We couldn’t all hang out. This wasn’t going to be a peachy scene from a sitcom where we all hung out at a coffee shop and shared some laughs. My friends really didn’t like this guy, so I had to avoid situations where they’d be around him. It was so awkward and made many occasions, like my birthdays and Christmas lunches, really painful.
  5. I saw my friends less and less. I was so happy in my relationship, but I couldn’t share my joy with my friends, which zapped my happiness. As a result, I ended up seeing my friends less and less. In their eyes, I wasn’t just trying to be happy and live my life — I was ditching them.
  6. My relationship became less emotionally intimate. My friends were a big part of my life, and I wanted to be able to share things about them with my boyfriend. The problem was he didn’t like them, and I’d notice how his face would tense up whenever I brought them up in conversation. I stopping sharing my friendships with him, which hurt our relationship because I had to hide certain parts of my life.
  7. My boyfriend put pressure on me to make a choice. One day I spoke to my boyfriend about how I was missing my friends, and he said that I had to choose what I wanted: either him or them. I was supposed to be on his side, he added. I was caught in the middle, trying to see the situation from everyone’s point of view, but ultimately ended up really unhappy.
  8. I was tired of trying to keep the peace. I wanted my boyfriend and friends to at least try to get along, but they were both stubborn. With drama on both sides of me, I had to try to keep the peace, but all my relationships were hitting concrete walls. After three months, I honestly didn’t know if I could do this for much longer. As much as they were having a crap time of things, I was the one going through the most stress.
  9. I was totally unaware of the real reason they hated him. I knew the reasons why my friends didn’t like my boyfriend: he didn’t make much effort with them, and he was a tad cold until you got to know him. But as time went on, I started to wonder if there were other reasons why they didn’t like him. I mean, how could someone be that hated? I confronted my friends about it and they told me he’d hit on one of them. I didn’t believe it. We had a huge fight.
  10. I had no one to lean on. Deep down, I knew my friends were being honest with me about my boyfriend. They always had my back. I wanted to call my friends and talk about it, get their support, and feel better. But I’d lost the chance to do this by fighting with them. The idea of losing them hurt so much more than the idea of losing my boyfriend.
  11. I was forced to make a tough chocie. I confronted my boyfriend about what my friends had said and he was quick to become defensive, telling me that they were just trying to ruin us. But I knew he was lying. Clearly, my friends had seen something dodgy about him from the first time they’d met him, and I wish I’d listened to them — it would have saved me so much time and drama. Most importantly, I learned that my friends need to like the guy I date — without that, I can never be truly happy.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.