I Get Easily Obsessed With Men — It’s A Problem

All my life I’ve fallen for men way too fast. I get fixated on the idea of who they are and how our romance will play out. Instead of taking time to get to know who they really are, I fall for my fantasy instead. This is why it creates nothing but trouble for me:

  1. I get crushes on everyone. If a man is reasonably attractive, funny, and nice to me, that’s pretty much all it takes. The longer I’m single, the worse it gets. If he’s straight and not a total douchebag, I’ve probably had a crush on him at some point in our friendship. I need to be more discriminating, but the pickings are slim.
  2. I fall for the idea of who a guy is. The problem with obsessing from afar is that I don’t even get to know the dude. I just watch the way he acts and make up this idea of who he is in my head. I fall for that guy instead of the flawed, imperfect human he actually is. This creates impossible expectations.
  3. I stalk guys on social media when I’m too shy to approach them. Yeah, I know — not creepy at all. It’s much less intimidating to look at their social media profiles than actually talk to them. I feel like I can get a good idea of who they are as people without having to risk anything first. Unfortunately, they could be presenting a totally false image of themselves on Facebook or Instagram.
  4. I fixate on a man’s good qualities. It’s much easier to focus on the great characteristics of a virtual stranger than to recognize his flaws and understand that he wouldn’t be a good match for me. This leads to trouble when I actually pursue a man and end up disappointed with what I get. Moving too fast gets me nowhere at all, but I do it every time.
  5. I imagine our future together. Talk about getting ahead of myself! Before we’re even dating, I start fantasizing about our relationship. I go about things all backwards, and it obviously doesn’t work. When the guy in question doesn’t actually fit into this imaginary mold, I end up confused and disappointed.
  6. I decide that I can totally make the object of my obsession love me. This is when I tiptoe into cray-cray territory and have to reel myself back in. I like someone who has no idea how I feel and I decide I can make him mine. Apparently, he gets no say in the matter. Even if I do somehow get the guy, I end up dissatisfied with the reality of the relationship.
  7. I make up impossible scenarios about men in my head. I ended up a writer for a reason. I constantly make up romantic stories in my head out of nowhere. I find a guy, fall for him, and create all these mental narratives of how sweetly our love will begin. Never mind that he’s oblivious to all of this and will never do what I imagine.
  8. I take every little gesture a guy makes to mean something it doesn’t. When I get fixated on someone, I look for hope in everything. Forget that he has no idea what’s going on and isn’t trying to give me any ideas! Poor guy. I end up analyzing his every move while he’s just going about life not worrying about giving some random girl false impressions. I can’t get mad at him because it’s my own damn fault.
  9. I’m crushed when I realize the guy I like barely knows I exist. I should’ve wised up by now, but it still stings to realize that whichever man I’m fixated on doesn’t view me in a romantic way. To be fair, I’m terrible at flirting, so he probably has no clue I like him. I just want some unrealistic fantasy where he sees how amazing I am and decides I must be his. It’s yet to happen, and I have to stop this crap.
  10. I ignore the fact that these guys have significant others. This is the worst: when I like a guy and then I find out he’s taken. I’m so entrenched in my crush by then that I decide to overlook that fact. I don’t do anything about my obsession, because I would never try to mess up a relationship. Still, the feelings live on in spite of my best intentions. Nothing feels more pathetic than liking a guy who is happy with someone else. I need to fix my issues pronto.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.