How To Go Crazy For A New Guy Without Losing Yourself

It’s super tempting to enthusiastically say goodbye to your solo life and say hello to being the best girlfriend ever, but if you forget who you are, you’ll lose more than just this new guy — you’ll lose yourself too. Since you definitely don’t want that to happen, here’s how to go all in with a new guy without sacrificing your sense of self:

  1. See your BFFs at least once a week. You can totally see them more often than that, but make sure you’re planning to see someone other than your new boyfriend at least every week. You’ll feel more like yourself since you won’t be ditching the people who have always been there for you. That’s super lame and won’t make you happy. Letting them know they’re still important to you despite the new guy in your life will show them how much you appreciate them and guarantee they’re there to support you should things go sour with your boyfriend.
  2. Remember what’s important in your life. Maybe you’re killing your career and rocking a side hustle too. Maybe you’re a health freak and your workouts are everything to you. Don’t stop doing what you love just because you finally have love. Your future self will totally thank you.
  3. Don’t let tiny issues become massive. The struggle is real when you realize that the rose is off the bloom of your new relationship and you have some problems that you have to deal with. It’s normal to want to ignore that since you’re in your new couple bubble, but if you let small problems get bigger, you’re going to lose yourself since your every thought will be consumed with what’s going on in your love life. Do yourself a favor and address things as they happen.
  4. Add him to your life instead of subtracting other things. Instead of missing your time at the gym or blowing off your Sunday family brunch plans, take your boyfriend along sometimes. Let him into your world and share some experiences. You won’t be giving anything up, you’ll just be having fun with your new guy.
  5. Go slower than you want to. It’s always tempting to jump right into a new relationship. You want to be with him all the time and you don’t think that you’re moving too fast. While your friends might say that moving in together after a month is way too soon, you totally don’t see it that way. But if you don’t want to lose yourself, then you should definitely go slower than you want to. If you’re truly meant to be, there’s no rush, right?
  6. Make sure that you’re not ignoring red flags. Sometimes when you open your heart up to someone new, you ignore anything sketchy or shady. You can’t handle another rejection or failed relationship so you figure you have to go all in and make things work. However, if something is off and you don’t feel completely comfortable, you’re only going to feel like you lost yourself later on. Make sure that he’s really the person that you want to be with and there are no weird red flags you’re overlooking for the sake of having a boyfriend.
  7. Protect your alone time. Just because you still want to spend a few nights a week watching your fave TV shows doesn’t mean that you hate this guy and don’t want to be with him. There’s nothing wrong with having some alone time. In fact, it’s totally healthy, and your boyfriend will probably want his own time too.
  8. Build an actual friendship. Chemistry is important and your relationship is nothing without physical attraction, but if you’re not friends first, things are pretty much doomed. If you build an actual friendship with your new guy, you’ll have a truly awesome and beautiful new relationship instead of this intense thing that consumes your every waking moment.
  9. Learn from your past mistakesThere are things that you’ve done in your past relationships that can teach you a lot about how to act in your new one. It’s never fun to go down memory lane and no one wants to admit what went wrong, but this is a totally integral part of the process. Admit where you messed up and make sure that you’re showing this guy your best self.
  10. Leave the drama far behind. The quickest way to forget who you are and become only someone’s girlfriend is to create all kinds of drama. Sometimes it’s hard not to snap at your BF or start arguments when you really could have a normal conversation and work stuff out. Stay cool and you just might have a relationship that’s going to last this time.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.