I’ll be the first person to say that I like sex. A lot. The idea of not getting laid for the rest of my life sounds like an absolute nightmare. But as much as I enjoy getting naked with a sexy someone, I could manage to give up sex forever as long as I was guaranteed to have these things:
- Loyalty Being with someone who has me back through thick and thin and would never betray me is more satisfying than the sum of all my sexual experiences combined. Knowing that I was with someone who I could trust completely would be a massive turn-on, but even if I could never have sex with them, I’d be more than happy just knowing that I could rest easy at night without worrying they’d stab me in the back.
- Good food The classic comeback to saying that a certain food is “better than sex” is the assertion that, well, you must not be having very good sex. But personally, I believe that you must not be eating very good pizza if you don’t think that an amazing meal beats getting down and dirty. If my tongue never touched anything other than delicious food for the rest of my life, I don’t know if I’d ever even think about sex again.
- Cuddles Having close, intimate sex with your partner is great, but there’s nothing quite like the comfort and security that comes with snuggling up on someone’s chest while watching a movie or getting spooned as you drift off to sleep. Sure, R-rated “cuddling” is fun, but if I had to settle for consistent but tame snuggle sessions every day, I wouldn’t be too upset.
- The means to travel Whether it means flying solo or next to the love of my life, I don’t care — I just want to see the world. The problem is that getting the necessary time off work and the money to afford it isn’t always easy. If someone gave me the option of a lifetime of free trips and all I had to do was be celibate for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t even hesitate to take them up on it.
- True, genuine love Whether it comes from a romantic partner, friends, or family members, I just want to keep feeling that warm sensation of knowing that someone cares about me. When I’m dating someone, sex is obviously a huge part of that relationship, but the most important thing to me is how much we love each other. If sex was off the table between us forever, simply knowing that we shared such a meaningful bond would be enough to make me happy.
- Hand-holding I know it’s kind of a silly high-school relationship thing, but I don’t care — I love holding hands. There’s something so nice about intertwining your fingers with someone else’s and feeling connected even as you walk next to each other down the street. It’s such a casually intimate activity, and even though you don’t exactly orgasm from holding hands, the way it puts butterflies in my stomach is enough for me to be satisfied forever.
- High-quality naps I’m not talking about those naps where you wake up not knowing what year it is, feeling cranky and thirsty and sweaty. I’m talking about the ones where it’s just chilly enough to have the blanket up to your chin, lying comfortably in your fleece pajamas and listening to the rain outside as you drift off to sleep. The guarantee of a daily 10/10 nap may not be sexy, but it would be so euphoric that I’d be willing to give up sex for it.
- Deep and meaningful conversations Maybe I just don’t connect easily with people, but I feel like it’s way too hard to find someone I can talk to for hours on end about anything and everything. I have a couple of friends I can count on for great discussions, but if I were to find a partner who could offer me the same thing, I wouldn’t even be mad if I never got to see him naked.
- Heartfelt kisses Isn’t it amazing when you get to kiss someone who desperately wants to kiss you and knows how to do it? Over-the-top makeout sessions are fun, but I’m absolutely crazy for the kisses that are deep without being aggressive and long without feeling excessive. Really nice kisses send such a rush through me that I’d easily choose them if I had to pick between those or sex.
- Laughter What a priceless thing it is to find someone who can make you laugh. Humor is one of the things that bring people closest together, and while I could manage to live the rest of my life without ever hooking up with someone again, I would lose my mind if I had to live with someone who couldn’t laugh with me.
