I Got Ghosted By A Guy I Dated For Three Years—WTF?

Being ghosted sucks, whether it happens after a few weeks of dating, a few months, or… a few years.  I never imagined my boyfriend could pull such a disgusting stunt after we’d been together for three years but he did. Here’s what happened:

  1. He blinded me with his great personality. When we met and started dating, he was awesome—kind, loving, and chivalrous. I fell for the act, only to realize it really wasn’t fake! This guy really was a great person and the way he’d been in the honeymoon phase seemed to be his real personality.
  2. The facade started to crack. When we’d been dating for two and a half years, he started talking about the future. He wanted to marry me and have kids. It seemed really promising but then he started to act a little weird around the same time he was encouraging me to dream of our future together, looking a bit distracted when we were together. Hmm, something just felt off.
  3. He got a new assistant. I didn’t think it was a biggie. One day he told me he got a new assistant at work. So what? I had no idea that she was going to contribute to the end of our relationship.
  4. He started being too ambitious. Suddenly, the guy started wanting to work really hard. He was putting in lots of overtime at work, working on weekends and late at night. Hmm. I wondered if it was because of his new assistant, who he talked about all the time when he spoke about work.
  5. I got worked up. While he was working so much, I got worked up a lot. I was riddled with insecurities and fears that he was cheating, and these kept increasing. When he didn’t have time to see me or call me, I’d feel like the guy was starting to check out of the relationship.
  6. I was just being paranoid, right? The more I got worried that he was cheating on me, the more my boyfriend showed me how much he loved me. He kept telling me that he wanted to marry me and that he only had eyes for me. I realized I’d just been worried over nothing. Perhaps my own insecurities had been playing with me.
  7. Then he dropped the bomb. One day, he said he’d call me but he never did. I figured he was just busy so I waited. After several hours went by, I got fed up and I called him. He didn’t answer the phone.
  8. Uh, what just happened? I didn’t immediately think that he’d been doing anything shady behind my back. I thought that something had happened to him! Was he lying in the gutter somewhere? Had he been in an accident? I started to freak out.
  9. There was no way to find him on social media. I couldn’t even check up the guy on Facebook or Twitter because he was totally against social media. It had always struck me as weird—how can someone be so disconnected? Now that I was worried about where he was, his anti-social media behavior really started to piss me off.
  10. I called his best friend. Two whole days of no contact had gone by, which was unlike him. Even when he’d been busy at work, he’d never leave me for so long. I didn’t want to call his best friend but I felt that I had no choice. His friend told me he was probably fine and I should stop worrying.
  11. Red flag alert! Honestly, the way the guy said it—with a little laugh—made me realize that I was being stupid. I got the feeling that this friend knew more about his whereabouts than he was letting on.
  12. I backed off. I didn’t know what the hell was going on but I backed off. My gut was just telling me to stop trying to get in touch. Days went by and still no contact. By then I imagined I would’ve heard something if he’d been in an accident or something worse. Bad news travels fast! Maybe the guy was AWOL with me but not with anyone else.
  13. The other woman was on my mind. I started to think about his assistant. I knew her name because he talked about her so much, so I decided to look her up on Facebook seeing as though I couldn’t find him. She had a profile that wasn’t set to “private.” I was in!
  14. There was all the proof I needed. Her relationship status read “in a relationship” and she’d recently posted a picture of her and my boyfriend hugging on a beach. WTF? Had he just disappeared with this other woman? I was so mad, I sent him a message telling him to GTFO.
  15. I’d suspected him of cheating, but… I never, ever imagined he’d stoop so low and ghost me like that. It totally sucked and made me feel like the three years we’d shared had meant absolutely nothing to him. Being in a long-term relationship means having the decency to properly break up with someone, not disappearing out of their life without a word! I was so mad, I vowed never to feel bad about this guy again. He’d gained enough of my love, worry, and care.
  16. He resurfaced two years later. This douchebag sent me a Facebook friend request two years later. I couldn’t believe he’d have such a nerve to try to come back into my life. What a loser! I blocked him and thankfully never heard from him again.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.