When you meet a guy you really like and you’re in the early stages of dating, it’s hard to know the best way to interact with him when you’re not actually out together. Texting shouldn’t be rocket science, but when it’s with a guy who could potentially be your boyfriend, all of a sudden, things become much more complicated. Here are some dos and don’ts that should help you out. Don’t stress!
What to do when texting a new guy
- Embrace the art of small talk. Asking basic questions like how his day was and what he got up to last weekend isn’t the turn-off you might think it is. It’s a fabulous way of easing into a conversation when you’re just starting to get to know someone. It helps to inform your knowledge of them and to see where your common ground is. Plus, if you don’t learn about how many siblings they have and what they do for a living now, when will you? Texting a guy doesn’t have to be fancy or over-the-top.
- Keep the conversation going. It’s really important to be able to get into the rhythm of a relationship where you can give and take and compromise when texting with a new guy. Make sure you’re properly “listening” to him at this stage by giving him time and space to say what’s on his mind before you type a response. A conversation shouldn’t just be about just thinking about what you want to say next while another person is talking. That’s disrespectful, and it’s a good habit to get into early on when you’ve just started dating.
- Use memes regularly. Memes are your friend when you’re texting the guy you’re dating. They keep the mood light and ensure that you can show off your sense of humor. Plus, memes often reveal common ground between people and get the conversation going in a different and unexpected direction.
- Tell all your best jokes. This isn’t the time to keep things in your back pocket. You’re trying to lock this guy down, so don’t be afraid to show them your best side. Think about all your best anecdotes and funniest stories and whip them out now. You want the person you’re dating to know you’re funny and that you can keep them entertained. If you can laugh together, you’re on the right path.
- Take your friends’ advice. A relationship is something that typically involves two people, but there’s a whole group of people behind the scenes that are running the show. Having a variety of different perspectives is important and stops you from getting too much in your own head about each individual message. That being said, you’re the one texting the guy and the one who knows him. Take their advice with a grain of salt and do what feels right.
- Suggest date nights that you genuinely want to do. Dating should never be a chore or something where you feel like you’re just going through the motions. If you get stuck in a Netflix and Chill lull, your relationship will reflect that. Think rooftop cocktails, paintball, and crazy golf for fun, activity-based date nights and you will really enrich the relationship. When texting this guy date ideas, the more excited you are about them, the more excited he’ll get.
- Be charming. This isn’t the time to be aloof or disinterested. You have to be willing to be honest, charming, and vulnerable. The mystery is all well and good when you’re trying to get someone’s attention, but as soon as you know they’re interested, you have to build the intimacy.
- Know when to call it a day. Texting with a day is not an all-day, every-day activity. You have to recognize when the conversation comes to a natural end and be willing to let that happen. It doesn’t need to be awkward or weird. Just pay attention to his cues and when it seems like you’ve run out of things to say, let him know you’ll talk to him soon.
What not to do
- Don’t be generic. You might be panicking and thinking that you have to completely change who you are in order to attract his attention, but that simply isn’t the case, especially when you know that he’s already interested in you. Remain calm and be yourself. Don’t be afraid to be you, even if it feels risky. All your quirks and eccentricities might be hard to get across when texting a guy, but they’ll be incredibly endearing if you can manage it.
- Don’t use cringy pick-up lines. You’re better than that. The person you’re seeing is better than that. Do your research by all means or get inspiration from social media, but don’t just copy them. Each relationship and couple are beautiful and unique, and the goal is to continue building and helping your relationship. When texting a guy you like, make your compliments and pick-up lines genuine.
- Don’t be scared, be excited. Yes, it might be your first relationship or the first time where you’ve felt this nervous about a relationship, but the pressure isn’t all on you. A relationship lives and dies with two people, so nothing will ever be just your fault. You share the good and the bad, so don’t internalize the fear of losing the relationship before you’ve given it the space and time to bloom. Texting a guy you like should be fun and exciting, not terrifying. Relax a bit!
- Don’t listen to your parents’ dated dating advice. They mean well and they’ll always want to get involved, but the world that they were dating in just simply doesn’t exist anymore. Update them on what’s going on, but don’t stress about owing them any more than that. Besides, chances are their courting phase didn’t include texting, so they probably won’t know what to tell you when it comes to messaging this guy.
- Don’t think about texting this guy in the “right” way. Other people aren’t involved in your relationship, are they? They might have thoughts about how often you should message him and what you should say, but honestly, who cares? When is the last time that you thought about another person’s relationship that deeply? Relax and focus on doing your own thing.
- Don’t lovebomb him. In a new relationship, you shouldn’t overwhelm a guy. He’s just trying to figure out what he wants too, so take a chill pill. Allow your feelings to enter the relationship when it feels right rather than forcing the matter and it will stop poor communication and love-bombing in its tracks. And for goodness’ sake, don’t be too effusive with your emotions when texting the guy. Save any declarations of love (or even like) for when you’re together in person.
