He Was Great In The Beginning, So Why Is He Suddenly Acting Like A Jerk?

If your once-amazing boyfriend is suddenly acting like a total jerk now that you’ve agreed to be official, you might be wondering what the hell is going on. Did you do something wrong? Does he not like you anymore? It just doesn’t make sense. Sadly, it’s a popular scenario with several different explanations — and only one possible solution.

  1. When you met, he was like nobody you’ve known before. It’s almost like the two of you were cut from the same cloth. He was intellectually your match and constantly made you laugh. You might have fallen a bit too fast with this guy, but in the moment, things just made sense. It had been so long since you actually met someone you connected with so well, so quickly. You couldn’t help but dive right in.
  2. He did a great job charming you. He knew exactly what to say and when to say it. Dates were actually fun and spontaneous. When he asked you to be his girlfriend, you said yes. It was a no-brainer. You were finally happy.
  3. Then he started to fade a little bit. He still talked to you and texted you back, but it wasn’t with the same excitement as it was before. In fact, it seems like he got bored with you the second you agreed to be official and started acting like a jerk. Even though you know that relationships aren’t constantly fun and exciting, you figured that you’d have a little bit more of a honeymoon period with this guy.
  4. Your first fight was uncharacteristic. Like most fights, it wasn’t about anything serious but he still seemed incredibly angry. All of a sudden, everything you knew about this guy seemed to go out the window. He’s no longer charming and intellectual. Instead, he’s childish and a little bit of an a-hole.
  5. He clearly only likes the pursuit. This is true with so many guys. They like feeling wanted and needed and love being the guy they often see in romantic comedies. He wanted to save you from a life of loneliness, but as it turns out, he has zero clue on how to be an actual boyfriend.
  6. He’s probably already looking for his next conquest. If you’re feeling disenchanted, just imagine what he’s going through. Suddenly, he’s out of the spotlight and not putting on a show. Guys like this will go out at night and act single just to drum up some new interest. The trouble is that they might hold out and keep dating you until they officially hook someone else.
  7. He’s being a jerk hoping that you’ll break up with him. He still doesn’t want to be the bad guy. Remember, he’s the one who made you think that love at first sight actually existed. Still, he’s really hoping to move on quickly, so his behavior might escalate in hopes that you’ll do the dirty work.
  8. He might have been dating someone else this whole time. Was he hesitant to make it Facebook official, saying something like he believes in a true connection without having to prove it to the rest of the world? Congrats — you fell into his trap. Without a digital confirmation, it’s possible he was seeing other women around the time he met you. If he’s a real con artist, anything is possible. There’s always a believable excuse up his sleeve.
  9. If he’s not meeting other women, he simply thinks he can treat you poorly because he has you. You’re nothing but a challenge he’s won. He doesn’t believe in building on the relationship he has. Instead, he feels like he’s done all of the hard work already and can just coast from here. Men like the chase, and once it’s over, they can become complacent and even turn their sights elsewhere. If he’s acting like a jerk out of nowhere, this could be the case.
  10. He’s probably never been in a long-term relationship before. Because he has no clue how one works. Things were always very short-lived for him, or maybe even long distance. He’s probably frustrated over the fact that the relationship is taking up a lot of his time. A guy like this needs to be constantly entertained, which is frankly a lot of work if you’re planning on being with him for some time.
  11. Remember that when people show you who you are, you need to believe them. It’s a lot easier to pretend to be nice than to pretend to be mean or angry. Chances are, he’s showing you his true colors now. Don’t make excuses for him or cling on to the hope that he’ll change back. Obviously, that version of him wasn’t totally legit. The longer you stay with him, the more time you’re going to waste in an unfulfilling relationship. Putting up with this behavior turns you into a real-life jerk magnet, and you’re better than that.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.