I consider myself a pretty good girlfriend. I’m attentive but still fiercely independent, affectionate but not clingy, and I try to treat my partners with the same respect and consideration I expect in return. That’s why, if a guy I’m dating is guilty of any of these things, he’ll be kicked to the curb ASAP—I don’t have time for BS.
He tries to cut me down to lift himself up. I’m not down with emotionally abusive behavior and I won’t put up with it. If my guy is so insecure in himself and his ego is so fragile that he feels the need to try to diminish me to make himself feel better, he should head for the nearest exit.
He accuses me of cheating. I don’t engage in suspicious behaviors when I’m in a relationship, which means I don’t give my partner any reason to doubt my loyalty. If I’m with you, I’m with you 100%, and I make sure that’s clear to him and everyone I know. A guy who accuses me of cheating is likely guilty of projection and is probably guilty of this himself. In the wise words of Liz Lemon, “That’s a dealbreaker.”
He’s rude to people in the service industry. I won’t put up with a guy who’s rude to people in general, but one who has a specific air of superiority around people in the service industry, whether that’s the barista who makes his morning latte or the cashier ringing up his McNuggets, is a loser who has no place in my life.
He snoops through my phone, computer, or any other personal belongings. I don’t have secrets, but I do have a right to privacy. Again, I’m trying to have a relationship with a grown man here, which means snooping through my belongings is a cardinal sin that will not be tolerated. If you have a specific question, ask me, bro. Otherwise, mitts off.
He tries to come between me and my friends. I don’t need my partner to be best friends with my friends—they’re my crew, not his. However, he should at least be civil to them and appreciate all the joy and support they add to my life. If he talks crap about them, tries to keep me from hanging with them, or otherwise interferes, it’s sayonara, sucker.
He lies about anything that truly matters. Little white lies are something we’re all guilty of, so I don’t care if he tells me he hasn’t eaten when I’ve made a special dinner even though he stopped for a slice of pizza on the way home from work. I do, however, care if he deceives me about things that are important. No room for liars in my life.
He refuses to take responsibility for his actions. Everyone messes up sometimes, and if I’m willing to own up to my mistakes, apologize for them and correct them, he should be able to do the same. Someone who casts blame everywhere but in the mirror is not emotionally mature enough for a relationship and needs to grow up.
He wants to be the center of my universe. I’ll always make my partner a priority and devote time and attention to keeping our relationship strong. What I won’t do is be up his butt 24/7 and act like he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me because he’s not. I have a full life that I’ve busted my butt to create and I’m sure as hell not neglecting that just because I have a boyfriend. If he doesn’t get that, he won’t get me.
He stops putting in any effort. Not here for the dude who puts on the ol’ razzle-dazzle just to win me over and then, when he thinks he has me, decides it’s cool to pump the breaks on any actual effort. Relationships take work to maintain and I won’t be the only one putting it in.
He treats sex like a right rather than a privilege. I don’t mean that in the way it sounds, but I guess I kinda do. No one has the “right” to sex. It’s something that two people engage in consensually because it’s what feels right to them both. If he sits around pouting because I’m not in the mood one night or acts like I “owe” him for the sheer fact that he’s my boyfriend, he’ll never be in my bed again.
He doesn’t accept me for who I am. I’m always working on self-improvement. I’m far from perfect and I’m not trying to be, but I am trying to be the best possible human I can be. That being said, I’ve accepted a lot of my flaws and shortcomings and I want to be with someone who has as well. If he tries to change me or mold me into his perfect woman, he’ll be shown the door ASAP.
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