When my boyfriend ended things kind of abruptly, I did everything they tell you not to do and somehow it worked. He stayed with me but now we’re in a super weird spot. I’m not sure whether or not I did the right thing in begging him to stay and I definitely don’t know how to move forward.
He tried to dump me over the phone. Things seemed weird via text so I called him. We were talking about attending an event out of state in the coming weeks and he was being weird about committing to plans, which isn’t like him. Things seemed super off. Instead of trying to communicate via text, I just dialed him and he picked up right away. His voice seemed cold and distant and he wasn’t very direct about it. In fact, I asked so many questions that I think I may have broken up with myself. I believe I had to actually ask him if he was done and he said yes.
I begged—I mean, I really, really groveled. I cried hysterically and begged him to stay. I sent text messages, I called him, and I FaceTimed him. You guys, I even sent him videos! Videos of me crying! They were so cringe-worthy and I don’t even think he watched them. I promised to change. I promised all kinds of stupid things that I don’t even know if I meant. I guess I should try to figure that out. I tried to remind him of all the good times we had and I asked tons of questions about why he was breaking up with me. He couldn’t even really give me a straight answer so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to change or work on in order to keep our relationship intact.
He gave in and stayed with me. After the begging, he decided to give me another chance. I was actually pretty shocked that he said yes and decided to stay with me after the way I acted. Everything I read about breakups said I should move on, or at the very least show him that I have enough self-respect to try and move on, but I definitely didn’t do that. I did the very opposite, in fact! After thinking it over, he told me was willing to stay and try to work things out.
Now I don’t know what to do. Now we’re just in this weird spot where we’re still together but things are definitely not OK. We talk about how we’re “working on our relationship” but I’m not sure how to actually do that. Do we go to therapy or something? I don’t actually know how to move forward and I don’t think he does either.
I don’t know if he really wants to be with me. The problem that I didn’t think about when I asked him to stay with me is how I would feel about it afterward. All I knew in that moment is that I didn’t want us to break up. I wanted us to be able to work through our problems because I love him so much and I think we’re great together. What I didn’t anticipate feeling was this unease with the fact that he’s here because I asked him to be instead of being here because he wants to be here. Even if we can move forward, will I always have this feeling? Will I always wonder if he’s only here because I begged him to be? I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me but it feels too little, too late. Do I turn around and break up with him now?
The more I think about it, the more I think I have to end things. I just don’t think I can be in a relationship where the other person is only here because I want him to be here. I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who’s all-in on his own without having to be begged or bribed. I guess I made this whole thing really complicated and awkward for myself!
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