We’ve all dated that kind of guy — the kind who loves to exist in the murky waters of the grey area. They resist defining the relationship and they just want to keep things casual, but they also don’t want you to go out playing the field either. It’s frustrating as hell, and it needs to stop.
- It only benefits them. Seriously! They’re the only ones getting anything out of this arrangement. They get to constantly redefine the terms of engagement, and they work things out to their benefit. They’re not interested in fairness — they’re only interested in coming out on top.
- It’s inherently selfish. It’s one thing to have an acknowledged casual relationship, whether it’s one that involves dating or just the frequent hookup. But when a guy dwells exclusively in the grey area, he can keep us hanging on because he doesn’t even allow it to be defined by those terms. So they get to keep using us and our emotions without any acknowledgment of it being an actual relationship.
- They can use it to manipulate. They know where we stand because we’re grown women who communicate like one. But if they get to keep things in the grey, they don’t have to come right out and say what they want. So they use the fact that they’re undefined to their own advantage, keeping us on a string while they’re free to look for something else.
- The grey area makes morals questionable. If they haven’t given us a solid answer on what they want out of the relationship, it can’t really be cheating, now can it? They get free rein by virtue of refusing to say what they want from the situation, but then they can still call us out whenever we do something they don’t like.
- They don’t have our interests in mind. They’re not in this to make things easier on us. If they see an opening to get more while giving less, they’re going to take it. They don’t value us the way someone who’s clearly stated their motivations will.
- It gives them all the power. That power can go to their heads. They think they’ve figured out a way to game the system, littering our relationship timeline with an ever-evolving array of excuses to keep things in neutral. They like it that way, and we’re powerless to change them.
- They get stuck there. After a guy’s behaved like this for a while, they start to think this is the only way to navigate relationships. Maybe they can see they’ve got a problem, but it’s not going to spur them on to change anytime soon. The grey area has sucked them in, and they’re stuck in it until they grow the hell up.
- We deserve better. We don’t have time to spend on someone who doesn’t see that we’re worthy of being treated well. Maybe we don’t even want anything more than a hookup, but that doesn’t mean we should have to wait around for a dude to make up his mind. Whatever our end game is, it isn’t served by a guy who loves the grey. So maybe it’s time for us to recognize that and leave them in the dust.