Here’s How To Get Over Someone You Have To See All The Time

When you end a relationship, you’re prepared for there to be an adjustment period before you can truly say you’re over your ex. What helps is distance, both literally and figuratively. It’s much easier to move on when you can pretty much ignore their existence. However, trying to get over someone you still have to see all the time is a whole other ballgame. Here are some suggestions to make this slightly less painful.

  1. Understand why you’re not together. Getting over someone you have to see all the time can be incredibly hard if you still can’t figure out why you broke up in the first place. You have to always be clear on the reasons behind the fallout in order to be able to move on. Understand what led to the separation. Did your feelings cool off? Were you changing yourself because of this person? Was there a lack of trust? Figuring out the reason you’re not still together is the first step towards getting over someone you have to see all the time.
  2. Get closure, whatever that means to you. Sometimes we’re so eager to move on from a breakup that we refuse to get closure. Closure can be more trouble than it’s worth, with a big pile of unnecessary drama and untold truths coming forth. Still, it’s completely worth the risk. Getting closure with your ex by having a real, honest conversation will leave no room for interpretation. You have your side of the story, but you need to know his, too. Otherwise, you risk having a confrontation every time you see him.
  3. Take care of yourself first. The initial instinct after having our hearts broken is to have a Bridget Jones marathon while eating too many tubs of Ben & Jerry’s. Not only is this super unhealthy, but it’ll set you back big time. The solution to getting over someone you see all the time is to feel comfortable in your own skin. This is an excellent time to pick up new hobbies and interests, spend time with your friends, and do things that make you feel strong, healthy, and happy. Just because your relationship’s over doesn’t mean your whole life is.
  4. Stop stalking him on social media. Social media stalking is pretty much the norm after a breakup and it can go on for way too long. This is extremely toxic. You don’t need to follow what he’s doing or who he’s seeing after you’ve decided to end your relationship. Plus, you see him every day — you don’t need to be dedicating your life 24/7 to this person. Put the phone down now.
  5. Get your priorities straight. If you say that your ex was the only thing that mattered in your life, I’ll call BS. You have so much more to focus on and value. We need to keep our focus on the important things in our lives that have nothing to do with our exes. I love to write and to travel, so after my last breakup, I went to Spain. A friend of mine is a talented musician, so after his latest breakup, he recorded an album. Figure out what matters to you and put your energy into it. Soon, you won’t even notice your ex.
  6. Keep it civil — don’t get petty. Unless your breakup ended in a giant, Kardashian-sized disaster, try to be civil with your ex. If you have to see him every day, try to at least be able to say hi and make small talk. This will be tough at first, so if you need to avoid him for a week or two, I don’t blame you. After that, return to a neutral state. Seeing him every day will prevent you from glorifying his image in your head and you’ll get over him in no time.
  7. No matter how tempting it is, don’t become a recluse. I used to withdraw from society after a breakup. Then I realized what a huge mistake it was. The delicate post-breakup period is the exact time you should surround yourself with friends. Spending time with different people will change your outlook on things and boost your mood simultaneously. Go out and have fun. It’s always better to have had a kickass weekend when you see your ex on Monday than to have been sobbing home alone.
  8. Don’t try to dangle a new guy in front of your ex’s face. Not only is this cold, but it’s also super immature. There are better ways to show your ex you’ve moved on than to bring some new hottie over for your him to see. It will be super obvious that you have no other way of dealing with your emotions. Be the bigger person here and don’t bring your new date in front of your ex. The time for that will come later on.
  9. Don’t just focus on the bad memories — remember the good too. A friend of mine taught me how to make a list of my achievements and failures every day. It’s as easy as it sounds. Get a piece of paper, make two columns and write down the good and the bad. It’s important not to just hold on to the bad parts of your past relationship. Acknowledging the good it brought to your life will make seeing your ex easier. It will give you a feeling of peace and you will get over him much easier. Soon enough, you’ll find a good guy to show you how wrong your ex was for you.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.