Here’s How I Know You’ll Never Change, Even Though You Say You Will

I’ve heard all your promises before and I’ve been around to watch you break them — so why should I believe you this time? Sure, you claim you’ve learned your lesson, but I’ve heard you utter that same sentence time and time again, and no matter how often your lips move, I’m not buying it this time. Here’s why:

  1. This is a pattern. We’re stuck in a cycle where you hurt me, I confront you, you apologize, and I let it slide. It’s utterly exhausting, and it’s not good for either one of us. I’m not sure that there’s any other way to get out of this destructive whirlwind, other than leaving you in the dust.
  2. I’m not worth it to you. I think, perhaps, if you had a hold of someone who you felt deserved your all, you’d try harder to pursue change. Unfortunately, that person is obviously not me. You think I don’t necessitate the effort of doing the work to be better, which means I’m expendable to you. And I’m not willing to keep myself in that situation for one second longer.
  3. Your heart’s not in it. Do I think you could change? Yes, I believe everyone has the capacity to change their life, if they really, really want to. But the desire has to be there in the first place. I think you dislike being caught out in your lies, over and over again, but I don’t think you actually care enough to stop. If you had the drive and the willpower to do the work, I might see you in a different light, but as of now, you’re not willing. So I’ve stopped believing.
  4. You don’t believe me. But I mean it this time. You think I’m just idle threats and random weeping accusations, but the truth is, I only stuck around this long because I’m a sucker for love. I thought that each time you broke your word, you meant it when you’d say sorry. Even though I saw it happen time and time again, I still wanted to believe in us. But I don’t anymore, and the proof is in the fact that you’re about to lose me.
  5. I’ve got intel. You might not think I’ve heard about how things ended in your previous relationships, but after observing this endless cycle between us, some of your exes stepped up to the plate. And boy, did they reveal a lot. Turns out, this isn’t just a pattern isolated to our time together – it’s something you do with everyone you’ve ever been involved with. That shows me your promises are just empty.
  6. You think I’m the problem. For a while, I might have been starting to feel that way too. But after the chat I had with a few people who’d known you longer, I was relieved to feel sane again. I’m not crazy for demanding faithfulness and trust, even though you’ve often acted like it. You’ve spun a narrative in your head where you’re constantly the victim, with everyone who calls you out on things being the actual bad guy. That’s not true, but it’s not my job to convince you to wake up and see reality.
  7. You’re ultimately too selfish. Like I said, if you wanted to, you could do anything. But the real reason why you won’t has nothing to do with me, or what was between us, or really, what anyone else has ever brought to the table with you. There’s nothing I could do to motivate you to be better, and that’s because of one simple truth: you’re a selfish person, and the only person who can change that is you.
Becca Rose is a writer with high hopes for her student loan debt. She's a musician and aspiring novelist, but don't ask her to write poetry, because she's terrible at it. She has written for HelloGiggles, The Toast, The Huffington Post, and more. You can find her on Twitter @bookbeaut