Some couples are attached at the hip. They can’t sleep apart for even one night, they don’t like doing anything social unless they’re doing it together, and they just assume they’ll be spending all their free time with each other unless otherwise discussed. I’m kind of the opposite of all that. I might be in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still have my own life. At this point, my boyfriend and I only see each other, on average, once a week — and I’m not only okay with that, I actually prefer it.
I work a lot.
I have a full-time job and I do a bunch of freelance writing on the side. That means I don’t have a lot of free time. I definitely want to make time to spend with my boyfriend (I can’t work 24/7, anyway), but it’s easier for me to meet deadlines if I kind of know my weekly schedule ahead of time. If I know we’re spending Wednesday night together but I have something due on Thursday, I’ll make sure to finish it a day earlier so I won’t have to worry about it.
I love sleeping alone.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: sleeping with someone is the worst — especially a sweaty guy who flails around, snores and kicks me in his sleep. I’m too light a sleeper to enjoy cuddling when I’m trying to get some rest, so I’d much rather have the whole bed to myself and get a good night’s sleep than have him there and be woken up 50 times before 7 a.m.
We prefer quality over quantity.
Sure, we could spend every evening together, him watching TV, me trying to get some work done, neither of us really talking much, but why? We don’t live together, so we don’t have to see each other every day. We’d rather hang out less often and actually do something and be able to focus on each other than see each other every day and start taking our time together for granted.
I like my space.
I genuinely enjoy spending time alone. In fact, I need a good amount of alone time so I don’t go crazy. I’m around people all day at work, so sometimes at night I just want to come home and watch TV or read a book by myself. Just because I’m not busy with work doesn’t mean I automatically want to be hanging out with my boyfriend.
I want to have time for my friends.
Fitting everything in isn’t always easy, but it’s important to me that I still have a social life. If I plan ahead a little, I can still go out for dinner or grab a drink with my friends. Right now, I’m treating my boyfriend as another friend that I have to plan time with. He doesn’t automatically get more of my time — at least not yet.
I’m trying to make time to work out.
Since I sit at a desk all day, it’s becoming more important to fit some exercise into my routine. As long as I make working out a priority and use all my time efficiently, it’s totally doable. It might be another hour a day I don’t spend with my boyfriend, but I don’t think he really minds.
He’s kind of terrible for my routine.
It might sound bad, but him being at my place for too long kind of cramps my style. He doesn’t have anything to do here, so he expects me to feed him and entertain him. That means it’s harder for me to do get anything done. If I just see him once a week, I have no problem putting work and my routines aside because I want to hang out with him — not because I have no choice.
It means I actually miss him and want to see him.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I think that’s true to a certain extent. One week really isn’t a long time to go without seeing the guy I’m dating. I think it’s important for us to be able to function on our own and have our own lives — that means when we are spending time together, we really want to be, and it’s not just the default.
I have to ease into seeing someone more regularly.
I’m used to having a lot of my own space, so I can’t just jump into seeing someone every day. I’m pretty confident that I’d lose my mind and start to feel smothered if we suddenly started seeing each other too often. I’m sure as our relationship progresses we’ll gradually start spending more time together, but it will be because it feels natural, not because it’s what you’re “supposed to do.”
I want someone who has his own life too.
I have a lot going on and I don’t want to date a guy who is the opposite of that. I don’t like needy guys and I don’t want someone who needs me to entertain them or make their life exciting. My boyfriend doesn’t need to see me all the time and that works perfectly me. It might not be for everyone, but it works for us and that’s what matters.
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