Here’s What I Do Instead Of Analyzing A Guy’s Texts These Days

I used to be an obsessive text-analyzer, but for every text I “figured out” and drove myself crazy with, I was more anxious, stressed out, and exhausted. It’s just not worth it. Now, when I’m tempted to analyze a guy’s texts, I do these 13 things instead. 

  1. I think about why I actually care. Is he worth my time and energy? Okay, maybe we’re in an LTR and he’s acting shady, so I want to know where he’s at/what he’s thinking. But even then, I don’t have to let this guy rule my every thought and hour. What will be will be, no matter how much I stress over his texts.
  2. I do something more productive. I make a delicious meal, go for a walk, or play with my pets. It’s pointless to waste time staring at a phone that’s not beeping. Doing something different also helps to put things in perspective – or help me sweat out my relationship anxiety at the gym.
  3. I delete his texts once I’ve read them. Instead of keeping his texts and re-reading them, which can get me into an over-analyzing spin cycle, I make it a rule to read them and delete. This way, I can’t keep revisiting them and going down the rabbit hole of anxious thoughts.
  4. I remember that he’s just a guy. There’ve been so many guys before him whose texts I analyzed to death and where did that get me? No, I don’t want to get into that destructive and depressing cycle again. Besides, it’s not like he’s sending me a mystical answer when he replies “k”—he’s human and probably busy. I’m not hanging onto his every word.
  5. I get a life. The habit of analyzing texts can start to close up my world, so I snap out of it and chat to other people or hit that party my friend invited me to. I’d rather be around positive people who uplift me instead of living behind a screen, for goodness’ sake.
  6. I get straight with him. Sometimes, the best way to stop analyzing texts is to ask the guy where he’s at and perhaps what he wants. It might sound too forward but if it gives me sanity and peace, it’s worth it.
  7. I remind myself of my worth. It’s easy for a guy’s shady texts or inability to respond to my messages to zap my confidence, so it’s really important to boost my self-worth during this time. It can be done in a variety of ways: getting dressed up and going out, listing all my great qualities, and remembering that if he’s not telling me what I need to hear, he’s too small to be in my big life.
  8. I remind myself that I don’t need a man. Sure, men are great and all that, but if getting one means stressing about what he’s texting me and trying to read his behavior, I’m over it. I shouldn’t have to try to become psychic to get a guy. The right guy won’t result in me having to try by scrutinizing all his texts. He’ll say what he means in the first place.
  9. I back off. I’ve sometimes resorted to getting a friend to hide my phone out of sight so that I can’t get to it and text a guy. Sounds drastic, but it helps me stop thinking about the guy and prevents me doing something I’ll regret, like texting him “Where the hell are you?”
  10. I text someone else. If the guy whose texts I’m fretting over isn’t my boyfriend, I try to text some other guy so that I don’t get tunnel vision about the first one. It’s all casual, but can help me get things into better perspective. Besides, who knows? Maybe the second guy will actually be a better dating option.
  11. I remember what I’m about. I refuse to play games with the guy. For instance, by thinking that if he took a whole day to get back to me, I should do the same thing in return. Screw those games. In these moments, I try to remember the kind of texter and person I want to be, without feeling like I have to prove myself to anyone. If I feel like texting a guy even though he hasn’t been in touch, I’ll do it without feeling like I’m a dating disaster. I choose who I want to be, instead of allowing the guy to control me.
  12. I fantasize about the kind of guy I want. The type of guy I want in my life is clear about his intentions, honest, and makes me feel chill instead of crazy. By bearing this list of dream guy qualities in mind, it prevents me from worrying too much about guys’ texting habits and keeps me focused on the bigger picture: any behavior that’s less than what I deserve isn’t worth my energy.
  13. I dust off my teenage diaries. When I’m tempted to analyze a guy’s texts with my BFFs over drinks, I pull out my cringe-worthy teenage diaries instead. I read through stories about how I used to obsess so much about guys and what their words really meant, and how that usually ended in me feeling anxious AF. It shows me that I’m no longer that girl waiting for a guy’s approval. Just the wakeup call I need!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.