Here’s The Secret To Dating: Stop Caring About It So Much

What if the way to win at dating and find love was to stop giving a damn if you even end up with someone in the end? It sounds crazy when you know your ultimate goal is to find someone to share your life with, but in actuality, not stressing over when Mr. Right will come along just might be the ultimate secret to enjoying (and finding success in) your dating life. Here’s how to do it:

Line up as many dates as possible. 

If you can fill your calendar with first dates, you’ll stop seeing them as totally scary meetings with strangers and simply see them as part of your routine. The more dates you go on, the less of a big deal they’re going to be, and the less you’re going to care. That’s a really awesome place to be in.

Put zero effort into planning. 

Why not go to the same two bars on your first dates? There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a great way to put no effort into dating while still making sure that you’re actually meeting new people. Why would you rack your brain for an hour to find the perfect first date spot when so many dates are horrible experiences?

Be forgetful. 

Okay, don’t show up on the date and act like you can’t possibly recall anything this guy said to you when you were chatting because that’s kind of rude — but remembering every single little detail of your convo won’t help you, either. Don’t spend too much time thinking about this person before you’ve even figured out if they’re worth it. So remember maybe one or two things and then let it go.

Expect 

nothing. This is probably the hardest thing to do and it’s also the most important. If you think this guy is going to be it and you’ll get to stop dating forever, you’re guaranteed to be upset. Lower your expectations so much that you think you’re just going to drink some wine for an hour and then go home. This way, you’ll be pleasantly surprised when it goes well.

Keep going. 

If you give up because you claim you’ll never meet anyone, then you care way too much about this whole dating thing. If you keep going, you prove that you may want love but you’re not letting these loser guys or bad dates rule your life. That’s pretty awesome.

Convince your BFFs to follow your philosophy. 

You can’t tell your friends what to think or how to approach dating, but if you keep talking about how zen you want to be, chances are that’s going to rub off on them. That will make it much easier for you to stop caring because you’ll be influenced by them too. Funny how that happens.

Stop talking to yourself. 

Okay, not literally. But you have a story in your head of why you’re single, of why it’s so hard to meet someone, of what has to happen before you can be happy. If you get rid of all that energy, you’re going to have a better time on dates and like yourself a lot more. Stop thinking about all the reasons why you’re in this position and just go on dates. That will help you stop caring about the outcome.

Get uncomfortable. 

Does sending out online dating messages make you want to hide under your bed forever? You shouldn’t feel that way. If you want to crack the dating code and stop caring so much, you absolutely need to message guys. Nothing bad will happen — you’ll get dates eventually. So go ahead and stop needing to be in your comfort zone 24/7. You won’t believe how much your love life changes.

Let your freak flag fly.

Since you’re totally chill about whatever ends up happening with your date, you shouldn’t feel pressured to put on airs or reign in your more eccentric qualities. Why shouldn’t you be who you are from the get-go? Let it all hang out (within reason, obviously) and realize that if the guy is worth your time, he’ll appreciate your free spirit. If not? Oh well — back to the drawing board.

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