We’re smack dab in the middle of the Tinder generation, which means hooking up is easy and finding a meaningful relationship is harder than the subject of all those penis pics you keep getting. Sex is amazing and we should all have as much of it as possible — but at the same time, there’s something to be said for holding off on having sex with a guy until you’re sure you know exactly what you’re getting into.
- He might get the wrong idea. As infuriating as it is, there are still a lot of guys out there who will look at you differently if you sleep with them too soon, or they might think you’re just looking for something casual and proceed accordingly. If you aren’t at a point where you’re able to communicate about these things without the awkwardness, you probably just shouldn’t be sleeping with him.
- Sex is better with someone you’re comfortable with. Even if there’s crazy sexual tension after two dates, you still don’t really know each other that well. It’s rare for first time sex with someone new to be mind-blowing, but at least there’ll be a better chance if you’re comfortable with each other.
- The build up could lead to an amazing payoff. The longer you let the anticipation and sexual tension build, the more turned on you’re going to be when you finally do sleep together. Of course, there’s always a chance it will be mind-blowingly awful, but it’s probably worth the risk anyway.
- Focus could shift to the physical before you ever get to know each other. Once you start having sex with someone — especially if it’s really good sex — it’s hard to focus on anything but the next time you’ll be seeing each other naked. You’ll start skipping dates in favor of staying in and getting it on, and while that’s definitely not anything to complain about, it might end up stunting any progress in other areas of your relationship.
- Sex can cause embarrassing moments. Someone seeing every inch of your body, unexpected bodily functions, realizing you forgot to shave your legs —none of these things matter when you’re having sex with someone you’re comfortable with, but they can be pretty embarrassing if you’re with a guy you just met a couple days ago.
- What’s the rush? If you really like this guy and he feels the same way about you, there will be plenty of time to have all the sex you want. For now, try to get to know each other and see if your connection is more than just sexual. If it’s not, well you can always just have the sex anyway and not have to worry about where things are going after that. But it’s good to know what you’re getting yourself into before you have sex with someone.
- If he’s willing to take it slow, he’s interested in more than sex. Not having sex right away is a good way to feel out what his intentions are. If he seems bothered by the fact that you want to take it slow, it’s probably because he knows he can just hop on Tinder and find a girl who’s willing to sleep with him right away so he doesn’t want to waste his time waiting for you.
- You’ll reduce the stress of worrying you’ll never hear from him again afterwards. If you wait until you trust him and you know he’s into you to sleep with him then you won’t wake up the next morning regretting your decision and wondering if he’s going to lose interest in you. You can feel reasonably confident he wasn’t just trying to get in your pants and you’ll know that you’re interested in more as well. It’s all uphill from here.