I’ve dated so many guys who never had the courage to say they were my boyfriend. It messed me up for a little bit and made me feel like maybe I just wasn’t good enough. But the truth of the matter is that it was them, not me. The guys I was attracted to just didn’t like titles. That’s okay, but now I know what signs to look out for to avoid this type of guy in the future.
His answer is “we’re just having fun” when you ask him what you are.
By now, you may have been the one to try and figure out how this guy views you. It’s called “DTR” or “Defining The Relationship.” If he pushes off the topic or mentions it’s all about “fun,” just go ahead and put away any hope that this guy will actually commit.
He’s called you the wrong name before.
Look, it happens, but if it seems to happen a lot, or if he forgets key details about where you met or what you’re into, this guy has no interest in committing to you. If he says something like “don’t you hate pickles?” when you order extra on your burger, he’s probably confusing you with the girl he took out last weekend.
He doesn’t get you gifts for the holiday.
This is a big one. Even if he was strapped for cash, he’d make you something special if he saw a future with you. And, don’t expect him to remember your birthday. You might get a “happy birthday” on your Facebook wall, but that’s about it.
He doesn’t try to bond with your friends.
Why would he? It’d just make things more awkward for when he eventually ghosts you. A guy who was into you would make a point of getting involved in the things that mean the most to you. Not giving your close friends the time of day is a huge sign that he’s already on his way out of this relationship.
Sometimes it takes days for him to text you back.
No matter how busy we all get, everyone has time for a text response. So yes, you should take offense if he doesn’t get back to you. Unless you’re asking him about something like planning out a holiday or figuring out summer plans, he can at least let you know he’s alive. As a standard word of advice, don’t waste time on people who don’t respect your time.
He’s not at jobs for long.
It seems like he gets restless in his career, if you can even call his string of jobs a career. He’s very passionate at first, but quickly gets bored and needs to find something else. He’ll do the same with his love life. That may change in the future, but nothing in this guy’s life is built to last long right now.
He’s also not at apartments for long.
Sometimes it’s just a bad match, but this guy likes to travel. He’s already talking about how he’ll probably be heading a few states over in the next few years and has already made a Couchsurfing account. He’s adventurous, for sure — but unless you are too, you’ll probably be left behind.
Your guy is a big fan of RSVPing “no” at weddings.
It’s okay that he doesn’t want to get married. It’s just that he has a really hard time believing other people want to. In his head, making a relationship legal is a little pointless. That actually stops him from not having a lot of fun when he’s a guest. It’s a surefire sign he’s not banking on planning on a wedding with you anytime soon. (By the way, if all of the above apply and he also refuses to get the couple a gift or celebrate them in any way, he’s also self-centered.)
He still fondly talks about an ex.
It’s nice to have a relationship end on good terms. But if it seems like he can’t stop talking about his ex, or even goes so far as to compare you to her, just run. This guy isn’t over that relationship and probably won’t commit with any girl until he is. And it may even take years.
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