He’s Not Over His Ex But I’m OK With It

We met on Tinder, which should tell you all you need to know, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. As a weed-smoking, blue collar business owner, he had all the things I was looking for. The downside? He was fresh out of a 12-year relationship and wasn’t totally over his ex. That was fine by me since I saw potential in him—only someone else ended up benefitting from it.

Sometimes guys need a little extra help.

He needed someone to give him that ego boost to move forward in his life, regardless of who he was dating. After being married for so long, he needed someone to stroke his ego, and not just sexually. Not that he was a narcissist, he just needed to know from someone else that he was worthy. I drowned him in positivity, telling him how attractive, funny, and successful he was and saw how he lit up.

He was living the bachelor life, complete with a dirty bathroom.

No one is ever going to want to come over if you don’t do your damn laundry. The first time I went to his house, I was disgusted. There were dirty dishes everywhere, laundry piled up, weed paraphernalia all over the place. Come on, dude—put your garbage at the curb, wash your clothes, and throw out your old joints. That first night, we joked while straightening up. The next day, I brought him a discreet jar for his bud.

When I brought up his ex, he freaked out.

He was so incredibly defensive when I mentioned I saw her on Facebook. I knew he wasn’t over her yet, but that was undeniable confirmation. I had to be patient because I wanted him to open up and know that it was OK that people ask about his past.

He had serious potential to be somebody’s next boyfriend.

Sometimes it clicks and you just know—he wasn’t going to be mine. This was one of those cases. Maybe we could have been friends, but it’s always kind of weird to be someone’s friend after you have sex with them. The guy had a huge penis and knew exactly how to use it, so once all those other areas in life fell into place, he was going to be perfect for someone else.

He learned to laugh again.

We did fun things like visit arcade bars, go to concerts, mini-golfing, people watching… just fun things to get out of the house. I wanted him to be comfortable being happy without being dependent on someone else. Too often things grow stale in long-term relationships—he needed to get out and experience life again.

We talked all day, every day.

He called me incessantly at first and it was aggravating! He needed to learn to let go and live without someone holding his hand. I think he was so accustomed to checking in that he needed to reprogram himself to live independently. Sometimes I would let the call go to voicemail and wait a few before calling him back. He was desperate for connection, but that’s such a huge turn-off, so I worked to wean him off that kind of behavior.

I knew he was on his way to independence when he stopped calling and texting so often

. It’s a little bittersweet, like a foster puppy finding his forever home. I worked hard to create this masterpiece… for someone else. I didn’t want to call him out on it because this was my whole plan. I became the one to text first and it eventually led to us going a day or two without reaching out. It helped that I knew for sure that we didn’t have relationship potential.

He eventually texted to tell me he met someone.

That was it between us. After all that, it ended with a text. After not hearing from him for a few days, he finally reached out to tell me he met someone. This was where our relationship ended because after sleeping together, there couldn’t be a friendship. I knew without a doubt that this was going to be his happily ever after and I was all for it. Everyone deserves a happy ending, and I’ll wait patiently for mine.

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