10 Signs His Fear Of Intimacy Is Ruining Your Relationship

Sometimes guys come off as so nonchalant about relationships, leading us to think that they’re either not interested or would rather play the field. Those things can be true, but there’s another explanation: He could have a fear of intimacy. While women seek these deep relationships, the prospect of getting so close to a woman can scare the hell out of guys. How do you know if this is to blame for your issues? If these 10 things sound like him, then he’s probably too afraid to be vulnerable.

  1. He avoids nights in with just the two of you. Perhaps you’re just dating an extrovert, but if he wants to be around people all the time, then he might have a fear of facing himself and his thoughts, so he keeps himself busy to avoid facing them. He may also have a fear of being alone with you because he knows he’ll have to open up when there are no other distractions. That’s known as an avoidant attachment style, and it could spell serious trouble for your relationship.
  2. He never wants to talk about his problems. Maybe your guy is a great listener and actually wants to help you fix what’s bothering you. However, if he avoids talking about his own problems, he’s probably scared of opening up and being vulnerable with you. It’s not personal.
  3. He has unrealistic standards when it comes to dating. He might not say to your face that he has a long list of qualities he looks for in his dream girl but you still feel like you have to measure up to incredibly high standards to be accepted by him. He always has a new complaint that has to be fixed before you can move your relationship forward. This isn’t on you! He’s just purposely putting up roadblocks out of fear (or he’s a jerk).
  4. He wants no-strings-attached sex. If he only calls you to have sex, then he could just see you as a booty call. However, if he’s acting like your boyfriend most of the time and sending you mixed signals, there could be something much deeper there, like his fear of becoming too emotionally attached to you.
  5. He doesn’t want to have sex at all. Some see sex as a very intimate thing to do with someone. You’re naked in every sense and have to be totally vulnerable with the other person. According to some experts, this isn’t always easy to do for someone who has a fear of being intimate with others.
  6. He’s always accusing you of trying to change him. Relationships can be scary because they do make you change. You have to be less selfish and make sacrifices for someone else. Expecting this out of the person you’re dating shouldn’t be a big deal, but to a person with intimacy issues, it’s huge.
  7. He doesn’t take rejection well. Why does intimacy seem so scary to some people? You’re risking being rejected, and that hurts. If you feel like you can’t turn him down without him flipping out or shutting down, then he could be acting out due to this fear.
  8. He’s cheating. People cheat for many different reasons. One of them could be that they’re scared of getting hurt by their partner, so they do the hurting first. It’s immature and a problem only he can work out by himself (and you don’t have to stick around for that).
  9. He’s quick to use the silent treatment. Shutting other people out can be a defense mechanism to avoid intimacy. If he likes to avoid confrontation or serious discussions by doing this, then it could be a huge red flag. He’s sabotaging communication on purpose.
  10. He hates PDA. Public displays of affection aren’t everyone’s thing, but some people don’t like it because being affectionate is just scary for them. If your guy is also distant in other ways, then it could be a sign he doesn’t want to claim you in the hope of keeping his options open to other people.
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.