I never even knew it was a real thing, but it’s called Phimosis. It’s when a guy’s foreskin is too tight to roll back over the head of his penis. It’s more common in children, but as I found out, there are some unlucky men who suffer as well, especially when they get aroused…
- We met on Tinder. We went for a few drinks. He was shy at first, but by three drinks in, the conversation was flowing well. We chatted about work, music, movies—all the usual stuff and more. We were close to where he lived so he asked me if I want to go back to his place. He didn’t seem like a murderer (he was training to be a therapist so he seemed pretty nice) so I said yes.
- He seemed a bit weird but I was into that. He explained that he had a thing for unusual smelling soaps. I remember one was orange and tobacco, which I thought was super weird. He asked me if I’d used it and wanted to smell my hands, but said I hadn’t wanted tobacco-scented fingers. He was quite weird, but I like weird people, to be honest. He’d been drinking beer at the bar but he’d moved on to red wine back to his place, which I thought might not be a great mix. I saw him taking some medicine but just thought maybe he had a sore throat and didn’t question it.
- He asked me very politely if we could kiss. I thought it was really sweet. I really like it when guys ask if they can do something first. It’s respectful and that’s kind of a turn-on for me. Every kid at school should be taught to ask—learning about consent is fundamental. We kissed for a while and then we moved into the bedroom.
- He asked me if I liked to be tickled. He took his shirt off, opened the drawer next to his bed, and handed me a back scratch/tickling spidery-looking thing. I said no. I just find it annoying, in all honesty. He said he loved to be tickled and lay excitedly down on his belly, so I tickled his back. He squirmed around and seemed to be enjoying himself a lot. He then downed his glass of wine and went to get another. He saw me watching as he took more medicine and explained it was just a painkiller as he was starting to get a headache.
- We went back into the bedroom and continued fooling around. We were chatting and fooling around partially clothed. It was pretty chill; I didn’t feel like there was the pressure to rush into having sex, which was nice. He mainly seemed to want to play with me, which was fine by me, of course. When I started touching him, I noticed he winced a little, and that’s when he said he had something to tell me.
- He said his foreskin was too tight. He explained how it was painful whenever he got aroused as it was too tight to roll back properly. It was something he’d struggled with for a while but he couldn’t be circumcised on the NHS (in the UK) and he couldn’t afford to go to a private cosmetic surgery clinic. The medicine he’d been taking was a strong painkiller to try to dull the pain, but it clearly wasn’t working well enough. I felt bad for him but he wanted to continue. He said he didn’t want it to stop us from having a good time. It just meant that he kept drinking red wine and taking more medicine and he looked increasingly tired.
- He told me his genius plan for his foreskin. He started with something like, “You know those people that stretch out their earlobes?” Oh God, no. He said he found a version of those stretchers online made for foreskins. If he wasn’t able to have surgery, he would have to stretch his foreskin himself, he explained. I don’t even have a foreskin but I was cringing so much at this thought. Then he excitedly asked, “Do you want to see my foreskin stretchers?” He’d already got them out of the drawer before I could reply, but of course I wanted to see them. I was a little grossed out, but I was so intrigued.
- He laid lots of little silicone rings out in front of me on the bed. He told me which size he’d been using and that he’d moved up a size now, which he seemed rather proud of. It was the weirdest thing that’s ever to happen to me on a date, but I appreciated his openness and honesty. We did a little more fooling around but decided it was best not to have sex. Besides, he was way too drunk and sleepy by that point anyway.
- We didn’t see each other again, but not because of that. Well, maybe a little bit because of that, but I really felt bad for him. It’s not something I’d ever thought about before, but it was having such a massive impact on his sex life. I really hoped his foreskin stretchers continued to work. I am kinda intrigued to one day meet up with him again and see if that’s the case. I sure hope it is, the poor guy.