Sometimes normal love-making just isn’t cutting it and you really want to spice up your sex life. Or, maybe you’re a total freak and already have rough intimacy on a regular basis. Whatever the case, I’ve compiled 10 ways to make love when you’re looking to have it rough. Remember to always have a safe word and communicate a ton with your partner before and during the act. Roughness is great, but we don’t want anyone to get hurt beyond what they want.
Remember that everyone’s comfort level is different and while you might be open to some of these, your partner might not be so keen. Clear communication is the key to all parts of a relationship, but especially when it comes to sex.
- Hard Head This one’s for when you’re giving your guy some ecstasy with your mouth. You can go nuts yourself by moving very quickly (in a controlled way), going up and down while using your hands and a little saliva. You can also have your guy guide you by pulling your hair and pushing your head down. Hey, we said it was going to be rough!
- Avante-Garde Doggy Everyone knows what the regular version of this looks like, but there are things you can do to make it more intense. For starters, hair-pulling during sex is always a fantastic go-to. The partner behind can grab a nice handful and pull to their heart’s desire—within what’s safe for the other person, of course. Another option is to do it in front of a mirror, enjoying watching each other in the act. Lastly, backside slapping is always a good choice.
- Choking Missionary This position switches up your average vanilla missionary position. To do it, get going with normal missionary, then have your partner wrap their hand or hands around your neck. They should give it a good squeeze, choking you. They can go ahead and go nuts with jamming themselves into you. Just be sure to have a safe gesture as you likely won’t be able to speak.
- Wristed There are a few options here, but the goal is to grab your partner’s wrists. It doesn’t matter what gender is on top. You hold down their wrists and go at making love. You press down hard so they aren’t able to escape. Another option is to hold down their wrists with one hand and to slap them with the other. A safeword is cool here because their mouth is free.
- Reverse Cowgirl You’ve heard of reverse cowgirl. This is when the woman is on top and she’s facing the opposite direction or her partner. So, her backside and back are facing them. You can really go bananas with this one. You can go up and down and you can even throw in some scratching of your partner if you’d like. Rules can also be made that they aren’t allowed to touch you because you’re in charge.
- Miss New Backside In this position, your hands are on the floor and your bottom half is resting on your partner. You’re facing the floor and your legs are lengthened on the sides of your guy. In this position, your partner can get frisky with all the thrusting. They can even throw some slapping and grabbing of your backside into the mix.
- Lady Lovely This one’s all power to the ladies. You’re on top in the normal way except you have your partner’s arms pinned down underneath you. You’re taking control and the other person can’t do a thing. Go ahead and move up and down, doing whatever you want (within reason). You can slap your partner or scratch them for example.
- Cuddles Galore Your partner should be sitting at the edge of the bed and you can crawl onto them. You’re going to sit on their lap with your back facing them. In this position, you’re all wrapped up in one another. It’s very intimate, but with most positions, it’s possible to make it rough.
- Female O Just as it sounds, this one is a way for women to have different types of orgasms. Stick a pillow under your backside to raise yourself up in order for your partner to have better access. From here, your partner can go wild with their mouth on your lady parts. Obviously, within reason, they can use their hands and tongue in a way that’s rough, but hot. You can either just lie back and enjoy what’s happening or you can even grab your partner by the hair while they’re going at it.
- Play Time For this position, your legs are up over your partner’s shoulders. The special part about this one, though, is the roleplay. You can do teacher-student roleplay or whatever suits your mood. You’re going to talk to each other in your roles and make love accordingly. I assume it’ll include some of the things we’ve talked about so far like hair-pulling or scratching.
There are plenty of different ways to make love if you want to try something different with your partner. After a while, the same old encounters become a bit boring and routine, so being open to trying different things together can really take your intimacy to a whole new level and heighten your pleasure to boot.
Important things to remember if you’re going to try rough sex
Of all the ways to have sex, deciding to get rough, either casually or trying something more formal like BDSM, requires the most understanding and trust between partners. If you decide together that you’d like to spice things up in this way, it’s important that you stay on the same page to ensure you both experience pleasure and are comfortable with what’s happening at all times.
Here are some guidelines you should follow.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. Good communication is vital for relationships as a whole, but this is especially the case if you’re going to try out one of the rougher ways to make love. You and your partner should feel comfortable telling each other what feels good, what you like and what you don’t, and what’s one step too far for you. Not only that, but the other person must listen to and respect that feedback 100%.
- Make sure to stock up on lube. If you’re going to have rough sex with one another, you must make sure to keep everything nice and slippy to ensure no one gets hurt. As Lili Hornyai, expert at Sextoys.co.uk, told Cosmopolitan: “You can minimize the chance of vaginal bruising and penile fractures by making sure that you lubricate,” Lili tells me. “Spit can be a hot, and fitting way to make things slide more effortlessly, but if you want to add some extra cushion to your pushin’ and ensure a fulfilling session for both of you, you should seek out a lubricant that offers some extra padding.”
- Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind. It should go without saying that regardless of which ways you make love with your partner, you should be fully on board with it and not doing it because you’ve been guilted, manipulated, or coerced. Assuming that’s the case and you’re going into things willingly, make sure your first time is when you’re feeling really relaxed and comfortable. When you’re under a lot of stress, not really in the mood, or not feeling up for it, you run the risk of having a really negative experience that could ruin rough sex for you moving forward. Take a rain check and come back to it when you’re in the right headspace.
- Take your time. Thinking that you might be into rough sex doesn’t mean you should rush right in full steam ahead. Like all new things, it’s important to pace yourself to get an idea of what you like, what you’re comfortable with, and how it all feels. You have all the time in the world to heighten the experience and try new things, so baby steps are the way to go. Start with a little spanking or slapping or some extra hard squeezing or something and then you can move on from there. Going too far too fast is totally avoidable.
- Make sure you’re looking after yourself and your partner. Once the deed is done, keep the communication going by talking about what just happened and how you both felt about it. Cuddle, show some loving affection, and make sure you and your partner both feel safe and cared for, which will make it much more appealing to do it all again in the future. On the physical side, make sure you’re nurturing any dry/chapped areas with moisturizer, staying hydrated, and generally taking it easy, especially if things got extra intense.
Rough sex isn’t for everyone, and if you decide to give it a try and discover that it’s not your cup of tea, there are plenty of other ways to make love that are just as satisfying and intimate. The key is to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and discuss the things you’re curious about. Together, you can discover many different forms of pleasure that you never really knew existed.