I Always Thought I Was Too Big To Be On Top—Here’s How I Got Over It

Everyone has their insecurities, especially about sex. One of mine was that I always felt too big to be on top. Thankfully, when I worked on building my confidence and found a supportive partner, I realized just how silly that was. There are no size restrictions in sex!

  1. I started by having sex in the dark. This may seem obvious, but it wasn’t to me at first. At the start of our relationship, my boyfriend and I loved some “afternoon delight.” It felt like every time we had sex, there was ample light, which I was all for when he would take charge. But soon he started asking for me to be on top and I faltered a bit. Taking a minute to close the blinds and turn the lights off made me immediately feel more comfortable. I felt like since he couldn’t totally see me, he would focus on what he was feeling rather than seeing.
  2. I started having fun with lingerie. This is probably the easiest way I found to accentuate the parts of my body that I was comfortable with my boyfriend seeing (my awesome rack) and distract from other areas I wasn’t so confident showing (my not so awesome belly rolls). Plus, whenever I put on lingerie, the sex became way more fun and special. I wouldn’t wear it every time so whenever I did bring it out, my boyfriend would go crazy for it which also gave me the confidence to want hop on top.
  3. Blindfolds = FUN. Getting a blindfold involved is another simple way to get your partner to focus on what they can feel rather than what they see. At least it worked for us! It took away all the pressure and insecurity of wanting to look a certain way while having sex. It didn’t even matter what position we were in because I was so focused on his reactions.
  4. I asked for vocal encouragement. I had the most difficulty with this one. At the risk of entering the land of TMI here, I’m the vocal one in my relationship. That’s just how it is. My boyfriend is more of a physical and is generally a man of few words even in bed, so asking him to start talking during sex was odd at first. Plus, I had to admit to him that  I needed him to encourage me because I wasn’t totally comfortable being on top. Not super sexy. However, the awkwardness of asking for praise was totally worth it. Hearing him tell me how good it felts just made me feel great about myself and what I’m doing.
  5. Practice really did make perfect. This may sound weird, but the easiest way to build confidence is to practice. For example, I used to be terrified of public speaking. It wasn’t until I forced myself to practice that I started feeling more confident. Now I do it so often I hardly break a sweat. Same goes for sex! The more I was on top, the more confident I felt doing it. Eventually, I knew what I was doing up there and it even became one of my favorite positions.
  6. I learned to be a bit selfish. I know it takes two to tango or whatever, but once I realized how much better my orgasm was when I was on top, I stopped caring about how I looked. I’m serious. It sort of goes hand and hand with the practicing. Once I knew how to “take care of myself” in that position, I was more than willing to do it. It ended up making both of us really happy.
  7. The look on his face gave me all the confidence I needed. Sadly, I wasn’t focused on my boyfriend while I was dealing with my insecurity of being on top. Instead, I was more concerned with myself. As soon as I started trying these different strategies, I stopped caring about how I looked and I started to pay attention to his reaction. Let’s just say his face said it all. Now I have absolutely no reason to be insecure about taking charge.
Greta is a freelance writer who runs on coffee and cheap wine.