How To Help Your Boyfriend Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety

There’s no such thing as a perfect sex life for couples. For instance, men can sometimes suffer from sexual performance anxiety, which is a nervousness or fear about their ability to please their partner that can make them awkward or even unable to perform at all in the bedroom. In other words, it’s a major buzzkill. However, while this can be frustrating, it’s important not to get discouraged. If you think that your boyfriend might be dealing with this issue, there are some things you can do as his girlfriend to help the situation.

  1. Tell him he’s sexy. Image isn’t everything, but it can be a huge influence when it comes to a guy having performance anxiety. In fact, poor body image is one of the leading causes. If he doesn’t like the way he looks, he’ll be apprehensive about getting naked in front of you. Sometimes guys just need validation in their appearance and know that their girlfriends are attracted to them. Let your guy know that you like the way he looks and that you want him.
  2. Fix the relationship problems. If there are underlying issues in a relationship, they can manifest in a lot of ways. A guy could be mad at you or insecure about the relationship. This could lead to performance issues in the bedroom or a guy simply not wanting to sleep with you. While some people can detach sex from emotions, that doesn’t work for everyone. Problems with the relationship can create trouble in the bedroom, so try to mend whatever rift exists and see if that helps.
  3. Be open to other things. If sex is the specific issue that’s plaguing your boyfriend, try being affectionate in other ways. Stay open-minded and don’t treat intercourse as the only option. Let your boyfriend know what else you like and other ways he can please you because that’s ultimately what he wants. It’s just that something is causing him to be nervous and anxious. Experiment with other things so you can hopefully find something that you both enjoy. When he discovers that he can please you in other ways, his anxiety might slowly dissipate and you can gradually work your way back to sex.
  4. Multi-task a bit. This may sound a little counterintuitive, but don’t make everything about sex. Some guys need a little distraction so that they’re not entirely focused on having sex. This is when their anxiety can get the best of them. Try having sex while listening to music or watching a movie. There should be something that can serve as a small distraction. No, this isn’t the most romantic thing in the world, but if he can divide his attention, he’ll have less room in his head to think about the things that make him anxious about performing.
  5. Give him a confidence boost. This tends to start outside the bedroom. Find ways to boost your boyfriend’s ego and make him feel better about himself. Granted, some guys have an ego that’s out of control, but if he has performance anxiety, he might feel unworthy of being with you. Put his mind at ease by telling him that you’re happy with the relationship. You want him to feel comfortable and confident so he doesn’t put so much pressure on himself to perform in bed.
  6. Lower expectations. Let’s be honest, high expectations are the enemy of sexual performance. Not everyone can be Cassanova. However, if you have a good boyfriend, he’ll want everything to be perfect and make you happy. If he’s having performance issues, let him know that it’s okay if things aren’t perfect. Tell him that just being with him is enough for you. Even if that’s not true, if you can convince him of that, it should help put his mind at ease. Just keep in time that overcoming performance anxiety can take a little time. But if you can lower expectations and be patient, things will start to improve.
  7. Talk about the problem. The problem with life is that problems don’t go away if you ignore them. Obviously, this isn’t an easy topic to talk about with guys. The last thing we want to hear about is our sexual inadequacies. Just be considerate and sensitive when you bring up the subject so you can put everything on the table. Let him know that you want to make things better just like he does. Try to be comforting so that he knows you’re on the same side. Otherwise, he’ll close off and you won’t make any progress.
  8. Encourage him to get professional help. If some of the methods above fail, try to get your boyfriend to seek professional help. There are a lot of problems that couples can’t always solve between themselves. Sexual performance anxiety is sometimes one of them. It could take a therapist or doctor to discover the root cause of the issue and the potential solution. The longer you wait, the more challenging it could be, so couples shouldn’t be afraid to seek outside help for problems in the bedroom.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.