Most women have been dating since their teenage years, and if you’re still single now in your late 20s or even 30s or older, you’ve no doubt developed a lengthy list of deal breakers. It’s important to have high standards in love and clear boundaries in place to protect your heart and ensure you get the respect and courtesy you deserve. However, there is such a thing as being a little too picky. In fact, confusing deal breakers with plain old pet peeves could be keeping you single.
- There’s a big difference between minor annoyances and serious red flags. Going out with someone with a criminal record or who loves Andrew Tate and thinks he talks a lot of sense are two totally legitimate deal breakers. If someone’s values and life philosophies are in no way aligned with your own or are bigoted, misogynistic, or outright dangerous, it’s better to write them off. However, if you rule out a potential partner because you don’t like the way they chew or because they put their toilet paper on so that it rolls from behind, you’re confusing red flags with pet peeves. They are in no way the same things.
- You’re not going to like everything about everyone. Sure, when you first fall head over heels for someone, they might seem like the most perfect partner ever. However, as you get to know them more, you realize they’re just flawed human beings like everyone else. There are no doubt going to be little things that annoy you about your future partner. Maybe you hate that they don’t make their bed in the morning or their favorite hoodie has holes in it but they refuse to get rid of it, but so what? You can overlook minor, harmless things like that and see the bigger picture, surely.
- You’re not perfect either, you know. Just as you have pet peeves when it comes to the people you date, the other person likely feels the same about you. Your quirks aren’t all adorable and endearing. However, the right person knows that they’re part of who you are and doesn’t judge you for them. They don’t consider these elements of your personality to be deal breakers, since they’re unimportant in the grand scheme of your relationship. Acceptance works both ways.
- You could be using your deal breakers as a way to keep dates at a distance. When you confuse pet peeves with deal breakers, your list of what you consider to be unacceptable in the people you date grows longer and longer until there’s basically no one good left to date, in your eyes. It’s possible that this is your subconscious way of avoiding a majorly important part of forming a real connection: letting yourself be vulnerable. If you convince yourself that they’re not worth your time, you never have to do the scary work of opening up to someone.
- Some pet peeves can easily be resolved if you talk about it. Maybe you’re seeing someone who takes hours to respond to your texts and it’s driving you up the wall. That’s fair enough — we all want to feel like we actually matter to the person we’re dating, so it’s natural to be upset about this. However, instead of dropping them out of nowhere, consider speaking to them. Let them know that you get that people get busy but that even if they can only send you a quick message letting you know they’re busy, you really want to date someone who gets in touch regularly. If they like you, they’ll make an effort to rectify that and ensure your needs are met, and voila. You’re good to go.
- You’re never going to find someone that doesn’t have some annoying habits. And while no one can tell you where to draw that line — maybe you really can’t live with someone who talks to their cat in a baby voice, who knows? — it is important to be honest with yourself about your motivations for elevating pet peeves to deal breaker status. Assuming that “The One” will align with your every whim and wish 100% and won’t do anything to make you roll your eyes or cringe a bit is unrealistic and self-defeating. Until you realize that, you might be better off staying single.
- You’re missing out on some potentially great people. At the end of the day, if your list of pet peeves is so long and so rigid that you’re not willing to budge on any of them, you’re going to miss out on some incredible people. Sure, they might not be your person, but they could prove to be solid connections or even life-long friends if things don’t work out romantically. Try being a little less rigid and more accepting, and your dating life will likely become a whole lot less miserable.
