How Do You Learn To Trust Again After A Serious Betrayal?

It’s a great quality to be a trustworthy person, but it can be hard to deal with when someone you love doesn’t share that quality and instead hands your heart back to you on a platter, completely crushed. Just because you’ve been hurt, it doesn’t mean you have to automatically assume that anyone else you ever meet is going to do the same thing to you. If you want to go on to trust again, wholeheartedly and without constant skepticism, here’s how to do it.

  1. Don’t internalize the betrayal. Certain people just aren’t worth your time and patience, and when you meet someone like that, you’ve got to cut the cord and know that it’s not about you at all.
  2. Know that trust is what allows the right relationships to flourish. When the right person comes along, your trust is what is going to make them comfortable showing you their true colors. This can be a good or bad thing, in the end, but without trust, your relationship will never get off the ground to begin with.
  3. Remember that your intuition is usually right. There are plenty of times you’ve trusted people and they haven’t let you down, and it’s happened way more often than you’ve been screwed over.
  4. Reevaluate what you want. A betrayal can just be a tough reminder that you need to be really choosy about the people you’re letting into your life and maybe cut some ties with those who don’t deserve to be there.
  5. Have some serious girl time. If there’s ever a time to surround yourself with your best friends and a bottle of wine or two, it’s now. No one knows how to cheer you up and keep you from obsessing over things that don’t matter quite like they do.
  6. Keep trying. Like anything in else in life, you fall down and you get back up again, no matter why you fell to begin with. Not doing that just lets the heartbreaker win, and you’re better than that.
  7. Strengthen your resolve. Whatever you do, don’t let someone bend you. Figure out what makes you feel strong and do it, whether it’s through sweating it out, meditating, writing, or having a private karaoke/dance session in your apartment.
  8. Set your boundaries. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re closed off, it means you have expectations and won’t put up with anything or anyone that doesn’t meet them. Your expectations should be realistic, but firm. You don’t have to accept anything less than everyone’s personal best, especially since that’s what you give in return.
  9. Let yourself be angry. You don’t want to stay angry, but it’s totally appropriate to fully feel that emotion so that you realize that you do not want to experience that sort of betrayal ever again.
  10. Talk to people have been been through it. You’ll be surprised at how many people have and how successfully they’ve recovered and moved on from seriously crappy situations. Knowing you’re not alone might not heal your own broken heart, but it certainly gives you hope that it’ll return to normal one day.
  11. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t go blaming yourself for letting someone in that turned out to be a total jerk. Most jerks are pretty good at manipulating situations, anyway, and that’s totally on them.
  12. Be grateful that you’re not a total jerk. You’re not perfect, but you can rest a little easier knowing that at least you treat people with the kindness and respect they deserve.
  13. Get up and go do something. Put on your hottest outfit, swipe on some lipstick, and then go get out in the world. You’re not one to hide away. You’re amazing and you deserve to be happy. And hey, you never know who you could meet along the way!
  14. Let it go. It already happened in the past, so start by leaving it there and walking away from anything that doesn’t serve your own highest good.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog