How Many Days Of No Contact Is Actually A Sign Of Ghosting?

When you’re dating or just getting to know someone new, it’s natural to overthink things. You don’t know where you stand or what the other person is thinking. You don’t want to make a fool of yourself by getting too invested when they’re not on the same page. And if they go AWOL for a few days (or longer), you might think they’re fading you out. So, how many days of no contact is actually ghosting in disguise? Here’s what you need to know.

Why might someone stop contacting you out of nowhere?

  1. They’re busy. People have a lot going on in life. Between work, social engagements, family responsibilities, and just general life stuff, it’s hard to juggle everything at once. If you’re very early on in your dating relationship, you can’t expect to be a priority just yet. Just because you go a few days without contact doesn’t mean they’re ghosting you. They might just have a lot of other stuff going on.
  2. They’re talking to other people they like more. This is a harsh truth but a somewhat common one. Before you’re official someone, it’s natural that they (or you) might be talking to a few different people. How else are you going to figure out who you like? If they’ve stopped messaging you, it could very well be because they’re messaging other people they connect with more. Try not to take it personally. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re doomed.
  3. They realized they don’t like you as much as they thought they did. This is a crappy feeling to be on the receiving end of, but it’s not great to experience either. It’s possible they were super into you. However, as you chatted more, they realized that the connection isn’t as strong as they thought it was. They might not contact you for a few days because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, so a bit of soft ghosting is their approach. It really sucks.
  4. You came on too strong. When you’re enthusiastic about someone new, it’s hard to hold that in. Unfortunately, if you’re not careful, you can end up coming on too strong. Maybe they’re not sure how they’re feeling about you yet. Or, it could be that they prefer a more laid-back approach. Whatever the case, moving too quickly can be a turn-off for some people.
  5. They like you but they want to take things slow. It’s possible they’ve gone no contact for a few days not because they’re ghosting you but because they’re trying to be chill about everything. They’re not playing hard to get. However, they are trying to pace themself by not coming off as overly keen. Try to take a deep breath and not freak out.

How many days of no contact is actually ghosting?

There’s no one right answer here. Since every person, relationship, and situation is different, it’s impossible to quantify when someone hasn’t contacted you because they’re swamped or they’re ghosting you. You don’t want to preemptively jump ship when there’s a legitimate reason for their silence. However, you also don’t want to hang on long after the non-relationship has run its course. You don’t have time to waste and you’re not desperate, after all.

That being said, not hearing from the person you’re dating for three days should probably be considered as ghosting. Even a quick “hey, super busy but thinking of you!” text would be good. It only takes a couple of seconds to type out. If they can’t be bothered to even do that, it’s clear they’re not really interested. They’d put in more of an effort if they were. If they’re this lazy now, imagine what a relationship with them would be like. Don’t waste your time if this is the case.

What to remember when you haven’t heard from the person you’re dating

Just because you haven’t heard from the person you’ve been talking to for a couple of days doesn’t automatically mean it’s bad news.

  1. There’s nothing stopping you from reaching out first. If you haven’t heard from them but think there’s something there, don’t automatically assume they’re ghosting you after a few days. Instead, take the initiative and reach out yourself. It’s the 21st century and women can (and should) make moves. Don’t double text or send clingy messages like “Where are you?” or loads of question marks. Instead, ask how they are and see what they say.
  2. If they’re not interested, that’s their loss. If you have been ghosted, it’s hard not to feel bummed out. You liked them and wanted them to feel the same. However, it’s important to remember that someone else’s feelings (or lack thereof) for you say nothing about your self-worth. You’re incredible, and if they can’t see that, that’s their loss.
  3. It’s not the end of the world — there are more people where they came from. Yeah, you liked this person, but so what? You’ve probably liked dozens of people throughout your life. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, as the old saying goes. Don’t get too hung up on someone who clearly doesn’t see how lucky they’d be to have you.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia