You’ve locked eyes with a girl across the room and you’re immediately drawn to her. What now? While women find it really flattering when a guy is into us, some of you really don’t have a clue how to talk to us like normal human beings. Because it’s clear many of you need a few pointers, here’s how to start a conversation with a girl that she’ll actually want to engage in.
- Flash us a smile. Women hate being told to smile by random dudes on the street, but if you’re going to start a conversation with a girl, a smile is a good opening move. It makes you seem friendly, accessible, and non-threatening. It will make her way more likely to want to chat with you when you do finally approach.
- Play it cool. You might be tempted to lay it on thick with the compliments and pick-up lines, but please, don’t. Chances are, you’re more charming and interesting when you’re just being yourself rather than when you’re trying to be some beefed-up Romeo who’s a hit with the ladies. Just relax, chill, and go with the flow.
- Find common ground. A great way to start an interesting conversation with a girl you like is by connecting over shared interests. This is easier to do if you have some kind of background knowledge of one another (like if you’ve matched with her on Tinder or something). Still, even if you’ve just seen her across the room at a Kendrick Lamar concert, you know you have at least that in common. Bringing up something she’s into that you enjoy as well lays the groundwork for some interesting chat, for sure.
- Show genuine interest. Guys, women can tell when you’re only engaging because you want to get in our pants. If you’re not genuinely interested in a girl, don’t start a conversation with her because it probably won’t go well. When you do talk to her, ask her some probing (though not inappropriate) questions and actually listen to her answer. Something she says might pique your interest further and give you even more things to talk about.
- Make her laugh. You don’t need to be a stand-up comedian to put a smile on her face — no woman expects you to stand there dropping punchline after punchline. However, a good sense of humor never goes amiss and women love it when guys can make us laugh. If you have a funny story to share or something else that gave you a chuckle, tell her. It’ll boost your ego too knowing that you put that smile on her face.
- Share some things about yourself. Just because you’re trying to express interest in someone doesn’t mean it’s all about her. If she’s into you, she’ll likely want to know about you too. When you start a conversation with a girl, be sure you’re ready to tell her a little bit about your own life, whether it’s what you do for work, what you’re passionate about, or what you’re doing at the bar on a Tuesday night.
- Pay attention to her body language. You can learn a lot about a woman by the things she doesn’t say. No one is a mind-reader, of course, but if you’re being honest with yourself, you know that you can pick up on some big hints on how people feel by their body language. If she’s leaning away from you or averting her gaze elsewhere around the room, she likely feels uncomfortable or is uninterested and you should probably shut things down. On the other hand, if he’s moving in closer, leaning in to hear what you’re saying, or even making excuses to touch you, you can assume you’ve made a good decision when you decided to start a conversation with this girl.
How not to start a conversation with a girl
- Don’t be a creep. This should go without saying but it warrants repeating. You shouldn’t feel nervous about starting a conversation with a girl if you plan on being respectful and acting appropriately. Chances are, she’s not going to humiliate you or be rude to you even if she’s not interested so long as you’re not being a weirdo. Making crude comments, striding up like you’re god’s gift to women, or leering at her for hours across the room before you slink over are big no-nos.
- Spare us the sexual innuendos. Along the same lines, women do not want to be hit on by some pervert who acts like a 16-year-old in heat. The beginning of a chat with a new person is not the time to start making disgusting sexual jokes or comments about our bodies or what you’d like to do to them. You’ll turn a girl off completely by doing this and you might even make her afraid for her safety.
- Don’t be a d-ck if she’s not interested/shuts things down. At the end of the day, we appreciate that it takes a lot of confidence and nerve to start a conversation with a girl you don’t know but are interested in. However, it’s not her responsibility to assuage your ego or to entertain someone she’s not at all interested in just so that you don’t feel bad. If she does mention politely that she’s already in a relationship or just isn’t interested, that’s not the time to start insulting her or being a jerk. Have a little grace and maturity and walk away. It really shouldn’t be that hard.
