How To Tell If He’s Genuinely Into You Or Just Passing The Time

You’ve been on a few dates with him and each one has been oozing with chemistry. You’re starting to really like him and you can see a potential relationship with him but is he on the same page? Is he taking you seriously or is this just a bit of fun?

  1. Does he prioritize you? OK, so this isn’t an exact science but you can decipher so much from someone’s social priorities. Does he suggest dates at the weekend or is it more of a last minute, mid-week movie night thing? We all want to save our precious weekends for our favorite peeps. When he tells you he already has plans with friends every weekend, alarm bells should probably be ringing in your head.
  2. What’s his date of choice? After a few dinner dates and a movie, do you now default to getting together at his place or yours? Does takeout on the couch sound familiar? When we’re getting to know someone, we want to have experiences with them—it’s the stuff of real bond-building. It’s fun to share a new movie or a gig and there’s a lot to be learned about a guy while you’re ambling along looking for a coffee shop. If your new beau is forever saying that he prefers a ‘cozy night in’, you may have a problem.
  3. Has he started to introduce you to other people in his life? That cocoon-like bubble at the start of a relationship is fun. You’re an exclusive club and nobody else is on the list. Over time, though, you naturally want to introduce him to people in your life. Your best friend is itching to meet him and you want her opinion, of course. It’s highly likely he’s thinking the same thing and will suggest it. Far from orchestrating a grand meet-the-parents event (which would just be weird), it’s natural to invite a couple of his friends to meet you and vice versa.  If he keeps you as far away from his pals as possible and avoids meeting yours, he’s not taking things seriously.
  4. How does he introduce you to a friend at a chance meeting? You’re having a fab date enjoying your own little bubble when he bumps into somebody he knows. The way he introduces you to his friend/colleague/cousin can give the whole game away! I’m not talking about whether or not he refers to you as his girlfriend—it’s more subtle than that. For instance, does this person immediately register recognition when they hear your name? This means he’s mentioned you. Better still is whether they say something along the lines of, “Oh, it’s so good to finally meet you!”
  5. Would he offer you a shoulder if you needed it? You have a date planned but you’ve had a crappy day at work. You don’t really feel like going away; you just want to chat to a friend, drink vodka, and maybe stab pins in the eyes of the paper doll you made of your boss. How does this dude react when you break the news? Does he tell you to feel better before heading out to party with someone else or does he offer to come over and give you a shoulder to lean on? If it’s the latter, it’s a pretty good sign that he takes your relationship seriously and cares about your well-being.
  6. Does he talk about the future? I’m not talking kids’ names or anything, but does he mention things he’d like you to do together a few weeks or months in the future? Does he say “we” instead of “I” when mentioning stuff that’s coming up? This is a great sign that he plans on having you in his life for a long time to come, even if he can’t bring himself to say it yet.
  7. Is he a reliable dater? People have to cancel things all the time, but if he’s canceled a date more than once in a pretty short period of time then those alarm bells should now be deafening. Why would he want to cancel a date with a girl he’s really into? Barring a sick grandma or freak weather, there’s nothing that would stop him from seeing you. Does he show up late to dates? A guy who really likes you doesn’t want you to think he’s a loser or risk losing you so he’s likely to be early! If he sees potential in this relationship, he’ll make it perfectly clear.
Vinnie Kaur Reid is a full-time freelance writer whose work is published across media and lifestyle sites, although she particularly loves to write about dating. She spent ten years living (and loving!) in London and has a super soft spot for NYC.